Free Beacon Satire
The Latest
I'm a Home Defense Expert. Here's Why You Shouldn't Try To Rape Your Burglar.
Graham Platner's cavalier approach to confronting home intruders is frowned upon in academic circles
Sorry, Haters: James Talarico Not Gay, Analysis Finds
Exclusive 13-prong assessment suggests conservatives are just threatened by his modern brand of masculinity
What Did He Know? Dr Jill Biden’s Secret Service Escort Suffers ‘Accidental’ Gunshot Wound
The former first lady, who has a new memoir coming out, was unable to provide medical care
Exclusive: Graham Platner's Crisis PR Handbook Hints at Trouble Still To Come
It could happen (and keep happening) to anyone
WATCH: Shoddy AI-Generated Campaign Ad Raises Questions About Jasmine Crockett's Competence
Write your clever subhead here. A few words or a sentence works.
EXCLUSIVE: Free Beacon Debuts LeMay Awards to Keep Pace With New York Times
Prestige media is a cutthroat business, and we won't get left behind
Bombshell Report: Crockett Charged with Assaulting Police Officer in 2022
Loudmouthed Texas Democrat announces U.S. Senate run after taking money from Jeffrey Epstein
REVEALED: Top Platner Aide's Shocking Ties to Cult-Like Group with Dark, Violent Past
Almost as bad as the Nazis
I'm Just That F—ing Good: Gaza Peace Plan Was the Opening Act of My Bold Second-Term Agenda
And by the way, Kamala had nothing to do with it. She's a moron who could never be president.
National Disgrace: Trump Appeases Soccer Menace on Home Soil in Solidarity With America's Enemies
We've never had any reason to doubt his patriotism. Until now.