I Forced a Bot to Read 1,000 Max Boot Columns and Write a Max Boot Column of Its Own

May 23, 2020

The Washington Free Beacon analytics bureau used a proprietary algorithm to program a bot to read 1,000 Max Boot columns and write its very own Max Boot column based on its analysis.

If Trump had been in charge of Indian Removal, this column would be in Navajo

By Max Boot

This opinion has been updated.

The 75th anniversary of Hitler's suicide got me thinking about how much more terrifying President Donald J. Trump would be if he shared the late Führer's charisma and willingness to think outside the box. I'm not saying I'd definitely vote for reincarnated Hitler over Trump, but I wouldn't abstain either. Fortunately, Joe Biden is a modern-day FDR.

In 2018, I wrote in War Fancy: "President Trump's xenophobic blitzkrieg makes 9/11 look like S Club 7." I do not cite my earlier article as a way of celebrating achievements in correct punditry. Just to highlight the dangerous extent to which American voters have disappointed people like me, who voted for losing candidate Hillary Clinton. Suffice it to say, Trump's supporters are the real Nazis.

I have read the Wikipedia entry on "American Indian Wars." President Trump has not. I probably would have served with honor if given the chance. Trump, on the other hand, probably would have fled to Spanish Florida, aka "La Florida." That's the modus operandi of our dufus propagandi-in-chief.

According to a Rand Corporation analysis, the successful American war effort required leadership, courage, and determination to commit racism. Trump has only one of those qualities. I want to scream: Nativism is the core!

Trump's depravity is a toxic slew of perilous misconceptions fueled by epic incompetence. The danger is exacerbated by right-wing crackpots and "pro-life" lunatics. He has already surrendered U.S. sovereignty to coronavirus, thanks to a lack of leadership and paid family leave. If Trump had been in charge of fighting Indians, this column would be in Navajo.

No one is suggesting killing Indians was an honorable thing. But sometimes honorable men must take action to preserve the soul of a nation—by taking up arms, marching in protest, or writing columns for the Washington Post.

ISIS, you gotta hand it to 'em. Brave leaders such as Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and the departed general Qassem Soleimani were willing to die as heroes for a cause. Trump is only willing to kill—with cowardice, braggadocio, and bluster. He makes common cause with the terrorists by abdicating American hegemony in crisis. Trump didn't invent coronavirus, but he is a super-spreader of another virulent contagion: Shamelessness.

(The above paragraph was revised because a previous version unintentionally conveyed the impression that I considered Baghdadi to possess "big dick energy.")

Talk about false equivalency. The conspiracy-mongering, hostility to science, and outright irrationality promulgated by President Trump and his loudmouth media enablers are the definition of "alternative facts." Even I am astonished at the callous disregard. To quote Rep. Adam B. Schiff (D., Calif.), "The evidence is clear."

I weep in anger and frustration imagining what might have been if Hillary Clinton—a sane, benevolent queen—had served in Vietnam. Instead, the Graft Opportunity Party wages guerrilla warfare against democracy itself, victimizing experts and elite alike. I weep in sorrow and despair for my former party, whose only surviving principle is MAKKKA: Murder American Knowledge, Kill Kindness Aggressively.

Max Boot is the senior large boy affiliate at the Sidney S. Blumenthal Institute for Elite Punditry and Penetrating Thought. He is the best-selling author of Epic War Tales: Military Cosplay in the Age of Trump.

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Published under: Washington Post