EXCLUSIVE: Letter From a Washington Hot Yoga Studio in a Luxury Apartment Complex

Written by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez following her 'arrest' for protesting

July 21, 2022

Just as Rosa Parks was forcibly removed from a segregated bus in Montgomery, Ala., in 1955, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D., N.Y.) and her fellow "Squad" members were gently escorted from an abortion protest in front of the Supreme Court on Tuesday. She wrote the following open letter while decompressing in the hot yoga studio at her luxury apartment complex following the so-called arrest.

The letter, obtained exclusively by the Washington Free Beacon, will soon be regarded as one of the most important documents in the history of American civil disobedience. Enjoy!

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D., N.Y.)

The Agora at The Collective

Washington, D.C. 20003

July 20, 2022

My dear Fellow Americans,

While administering self-care here in the hot yoga studio of my Washington apartment complex, I have had time to reflect on the trauma I experienced as a victim of police violence. I have read your comments and DMs while receiving a Shiatsu massage at the luxury spa, and perused your tweets while Riley circles the block in our Tesla and looks for parking

Some of you described our present activities as "unwise and untimely," while others suggested our performative publicity stunts have no place in American politics. To which I would respond: Stop trying to date me you insufferable freaks! Seriously, it's not going to happen. I'm happily engaged to a bearded ginger who knows how to lock it down. 

I think I should give the reason for my being in front of the Supreme Court, since many of you have questioned my motives. In fact, I had the honor of participating in an act of nonviolent direct action organized by a billionaire-funded dark money group. Interested parties were invited to "submit themselves for arrest" in front of the Supreme Court (and several dozen photographers and television crews). 

My arrest was not a publicity stunt. To the contrary, it was an act of scripted defiance intended to maximize public attention and outrage in the furtherance of a billionaire's left-wing political agenda. Just as Beto O'Rourke was ejected from a press conference in Texas for his courageous heckling, the activists who had their hands metaphorically shackled in front of our nation's highest court were channeling the spirit of the Freedom Riders.

Here I could cite several examples from the Bible to prove my point, but I won't. After all, Jesus was a Jewish socialist who totally would have supported my decision to wear a "Tax the Rich" ballgown to the Met Gala. It is regrettable that many of our so-called civil rights icons were brainwashed by Christian propaganda that has done more to promote white supremacist violence than any other document in the history of racism. 

Unlike the millions of political prisoners sent to gulags in the Soviet Union, I didn't do anything wrong. That's what is so chilling about the near-death experience of my arrest. While I wasn't literally handcuffed, my hands were tethered in place by centuries of structural racism. One false move meant instant death at the hands of a police AR-15 rocket launcher. 

In that moment, I was instantly reminded of the time I almost died in my office on January 6, 2021, when the Capitol building was being ransacked by Donald Trump's militia. I was a half-mile away in the Cannon Office Building when a *white* police officer pounded on my door. He was trying to alert me to the danger and escort me to safety, but I could easily have been murdered and dismembered with a bone-saw. 

I hope this letter finds you strong in the faith, but not the religious kind. Let us all hope that the dark clouds of prejudice against menstruating human beings in possession of a uterus and capable of becoming pregnant will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear-drenched communities. May the radiant stars of love with all their scintillating beauty shine over our nation, which has never been great. 

Yours for the cause of Peace and Sisterhood, 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

P.S. I would just like to note that my hecklers are idiots. Anyone who refers to me as their favorite "big booty Latina" has clearly never laid eyes on my scrawny ass.