Culture

2019 Man of the Year: Donald Trump Jr.

Perhaps the most common tragedy to befall the great men of history is the inability of their wives, girlfriends, or mistresses to produce a male heir worthy of carrying on their name. There are, of course, some notable exceptions. Barbara Bush gave us George W., and changed the course of history for the better. In all likelihood, the same will soon be said about Ivana Trump, who in 1977 delivered unto this earth a child who would become one of the most promising political and literary talents of his generation and a 2019 Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.

Donald John Trump Jr. has not had an easy life. His jealous detractors in the corrupt mainstream media can cry their eyes out spewing boring clichés about "silver spoons," but they will never understand the hardship of sharing a name with, and growing up in the shadow of, perhaps the most formidable business tycoon and political genius of the modern era.

Did Don Jr. inherit a few things from his father? Sure he did. Wealth, good looks, stamina, intellect, and a taste for beautiful women. He also inherited a seething mob of deranged libs who hate the name "Trump" even more than they hate America. Not since "Lincoln" has a name inspired more hatred in the hearts of America's Democrats.

Like his father, Don Jr. has proved his mettle on the rhetorical battlefield by consistently owning libs with a combination of ruthless intensity and cerebral humor reminiscent of 2018 Free Beacon Man of the Year Charlie Kirk. There's a reason Don Jr. lists "General in the Meme Wars" ahead of his Trump Organization title in his Instagram bio. He understands that in times of war, military service supersedes all other concerns.

Speaking of which, it wasn't a great year for the libs. They're losing and they know it. President Donald J. Trump's historic success as commander in chief has inspired them to unprecedented heights of derangement. As the Dow surges toward 30,000, Democrats in Congress are trying to impeach the president over a perfect phone call. But it was not the besieged president who performed the single most epic act of lib ownership in 2019. It was his eldest and most handsome son.

One can only marvel at the poetic genius required to trigger the libs by writing a book called Triggered that inevitably ends up topping the New York Times bestseller list. But that's exactly what Don Jr. did. When he wasn't putting his literary talents to work, Don Jr. also managed to find the time to hunt down an elusive argali sheep in Mongolia and land one of the hottest bachelorettes on the market in Kimberly Guilfoyle.

In the meantime, the respected author has been fending off rumors about a future career in politics, which at this point seems all but inevitable. Millions are clamoring for him to run for office. Governor of New York? Senator from Wyoming? Nah, he's good. He'll be out there on the campaign trail in 2020 like the devoted son he is, helping his father get reelected and bombarding the hordes of liberal aggressors with savage memes. After that, who knows? Eight more years of Trump in the White House? Sign us up.

Cry more, lib.