Culture

2019 Man of the Year: Russell Crowe

Russell Crowe
Russell Crowe / Getty Images

Hollywood beauty standards are outrageous with insurmountable pressure on men, who are expected to remain slender or have their physiques compared to the late, great actor John Candy. Rapper Kanye West has gotten liposuction, even after his mom died during cosmetic surgery. Singer Kenny Rogers is unrecognizable from his facelift. One bearded crusader is sacrificing his health and rising against these standards. This fearless man is choosing to love himself, since no one else will, and to free the entire oppressed male gender by not conforming.

Russell Crowe gave the world an early Christmas gift when he was spotted in his natural habitat, a restaurant in the Sydney airport. The Gladiator star looked as if he had eaten a gladiator. Crowe is stopping at nothing for discouraged men everywhere. He has left no hamburger uneaten, no chowder un-chowed, and no beer unchugged. He may no longer be getting arrested for throwing phones at hotel clerks, but that hasn’t stopped him from throwing back quite a few buffets.

The photos sparked concerns for his cholesterol and for the stretched out elastic waistband on his tired sweatpants. Crowe was accompanied by a woman, but body language spoke for itself. Nothing says platonic like publicly picking your ass in front of someone. Crowe has challenged the status quo of shapeliness making him the belle of the 2019 ball. The male population has Crowe to thank for fighting against weight loss and being a tireless champion for "body positivity" and "dad-bod" equality during this Christmas season.

Thank you Russell Crowe for letting yourself go! You are a 2019 Washington Free Beacon man of the year.