Culture

2019 Man of the Year: Narwhal Tusk-Wielding Chef Who Beat London Bridge Terrorist’s Ass

London Bridge terror attack
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Thanks to England's tyrannical gun bans, a Polish chef was forced to fight off a knife-wielding terrorist on London Bridge using nothing more than an ornamental narwhal tusk.

The chef, identified by witnesses only as Lukasz, faced a tough decision as a terrorist began stabbing innocent people in broad daylight on the streets of London: run, hide, or fight. He decided to fight, despite the British government's decision to limit his self-defense options so severely that a narwhal tusk hanging on the wall of the pub he worked at was his best option.

"Lukasz pulls off the wall this narwhal tusk," Toby Williamson, who witnessed the attack, told the Telegraph. "He takes the fight on and the next minute he's on his own. He's buying time for others to escape. There's a vicious knife fight in which Lukasz takes five cuts all the way up his arm. He's hurt badly. He doesn't flinch for a moment."

He was soon joined by fellow Londoners armed with a fire extinguisher and their bare hands. Multiple stab wounds did not prevent Lukasz from kicking the terrorist's ass with his improvised defensive weapon.

"Lukasz took on the attacker," a coworker told the Telegraph. "Being stabbed didn't stop him giving [the terrorist] a beating from what I'm told."

When armed police eventually arrived on the scene, long after two people had already been stabbed to death and civilians had disarmed the attacker, they shot and killed the terrorist, who lunged at them wearing what appeared to be a suicide vest. The vest turned out to be fake.

"What's remarkable is the breathtaking heroism of members of the public who literally ran towards danger not knowing what confronted them," said London mayor Sadiq Khan, who supports the gun ban which left Lukasz with limited options, and wants to extend the ban to many knives as well.

Lukasz was honored by his home country of Poland for his bravery in fighting back against the terrorist despite being hamstrung by England's gun ban. He's also been praised by Queen Elizabeth II, who said she was in awe of his bravery. And now to cement his legacy, our narwhal tusk-wielding hero is a Free Beacon Man of the Year.