Harley Brown may not be the governor that Idaho voters wanted, but he proved himself the candidate bored debate viewers needed.
Brown inserted himself into the fray and became an instant success, despite his relative lack of political experience. He wore a white beard to top off an all-black leather biker outfit and barked at the crowd through his toothless smile about the ways to make Idaho great again.
"I like blue collar guys," he said in defense of quote-unquote "bigoted" jokes on his Facebook account. "I don’t like political correctness, can I say this? It sucks. It’s bondage. I’m about as politically correct as your proverbial turd in a punch bowl and I’m proud of it and I’m going for it and I’m going for the voter: the real people out there. Not these bondage type people who don’t have a clue about picking up strangers at night and hauling them God knows where. Try that for a while."
Brown is a man dedicated to inclusion and liberty. "Don’t think I’m crazy because I’m not," he thundered at the close of his opening remarks.
The former Navy Seabees, motorcycle gang leader, and full-time bad-ass with a "master’s degree in raising Hell" will now delight the entire nation through an inevitable reality television program.
"We politicians crave publicity like an alcoholic craves his next drink," he told Boise Weekly after inking a deal with a Hollywood mega-agent. "This is essentially giving me my own liquor store."
You can underestimate Brown at your own peril. He is following in the proud footsteps of Ronald Reagan who, having failed in the 1976 primary, began appearing on Dean Martin’s televised roasts.
Thankfully, Idaho voters failed to elect Brown, giving the rest of the country time to rally behind the Draft Harley movement in 2016.
Published under: Men of the Year