Nickname(s): Nancy Antoinette, Crazy Nancy, Meemaw Moneybags, the Botox Bitch
Occupation: Ice cream hoarder, vineyard owner, former speaker of the House of Representatives
Background: Born in 1940, before the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor and the invention of the microwave oven, Pelosi was destined to become a career politician. Her father, Thomas D’Alesandro Jr., was a prominent Democrat who served in Congress and as mayor of Baltimore, where he spoke at the dedication ceremony for a monument to Confederate generals Stonewall Jackson and Robert E. Lee in 1948. After working her way up in the California Democratic Party for several decades, Pelosi was elected to Congress in 1987 and has served there ever since. She was elected speaker of the House in 2007.
Hates freedom? Yes.
Why/how? With an estimated net worth of more than $115 million (thanks to her husband Paul, a venture capital executive), Pelosi is the archetypal limousine liberal who has more in common with a Russian oligarch than she does with the average American voter. The fact that Democratic politicians have turned her hometown of San Francisco into a crime-riddled hellhole teeming with feces hasn’t stopped her from trying to impose a similar regime of radical left-wing policies on the rest of America. She hates the Second Amendment, loves taxes, and has a history of being soft on China and defending her anti-Semitic colleagues.
Claim(s) to shame: Too numerous to recount in full. Recent examples include violating COVID-19 restrictions to get her hair done at a fancy salon, flaunting her $24,000 freezer full of luxury ice cream while ordinary Americans suffered, and getting banned from receiving communion in San Francisco as a result of her radical stance on abortion.
Fun fact: Pelosi represents one of the safest Democratic congressional districts in the country. President Joe Biden won it with 86 percent of the vote in the 2020 election, which was also the closest Pelosi ever came to losing her seat, receiving just 78 percent of the vote against Democratic challenger Shahid Buttar. Her first campaign in 1987 was the only time Pelosi has ever debated a political opponent during an election.
What’s next? Life in the political minority, followed by retirement, followed by eternal damnation.