By John Smith
Associate Pressings Writer
June 13, 2017
As Wonder Woman racks up dollars worldwide, proving that this Amazonian has legs at the box office, a trend has emerged: Newly empowered girls are accomplishing amazing feats, inspired by this, the single greatest motion picture ever committed to film and the only action movie that has ever starred a woman, ever, in all of history.
Director Patty Jenkins shared a note she received from a kindergarten teacher recounting things that definitely actually happened in true life for real, such as a girl refusing to pay attention to her teacher unless she was called "Wonder Woman" and a girl yelling at a boy for throwing a candy wrapper on the floor: "DON'T POLLUTE YOU IDIOT, THAT IS WHY THERE ARE NO MEN IN TEMISCYRA [sic]." While it remains unclear if it is appropriate for five-year-old kids to see a PG-13 movie about the horrors of WWI, what is definitely clear from these anecdotes that definitely really happened is just how empowering the movie is.
Reports about newly inspired little girls achieving all manner of accomplishments thanks entirely to the fact that a comic book movie exists are rolling in from around the country.
Antigone, 8, singlehandedly brokered a peace deal between the Israelis and the Palestinians, a feat no (male) president has ever managed. "Well, as I learned from Diana of Themiscyra, all you need to triumph over evil is love," Antigone wrote in a tweet that was shared more than 387,000 times in just three hours. "It's like they had never even thought of that," she said in a later tweet. "So now they love each other instead of hating each other."
After seeing a mid-day screening of Wonder Woman last Saturday, Artemis, 8, told her parents it was horrible that "our mean president" was trying "to kill the planet." Instead of just complaining about it, however, she decided to take matters into her own hands. "Father, why is it that man pollutes and yet does not try to mitigate his misdeeds?" she asked, according to a viral Facebook post that the Associate Pressings chooses not to fact check. When he, a man, was tongue-tied, the girl's mother replied that it was just the state of things. So Artemis, inspired by a comic book movie, bioengineered a tree that captured carbon 50 times more effectively than any tree in existence, a move that will lower the temperature of the planet by five degrees, saving the ice caps and many island nations the names of which this reporter cannot spell or, even, remember.
On Instagram, Daphne, 8, is shown wearing bracelets like those worn by Diana in Wonder Woman, with a caption that says, "if i had the lasso of truth i would use it to compel our politicians to tell us who they were taking money from and why they are not honest with their constituents lol." This post was shared 17 million times in just 16 hours, prompting at least five resignations from the United States House of Representatives.
While some remain skeptical about the power of Wonder Woman, its fans insist it is changing the course of human history–and there's little to suggest they are wrong.
Published under: Parody