The Michael Scott Mnemonic Memorization Guide to the 2020 Democratic Primary

President Donald J. Trump has been spending some Executive Time in recent days trying to come up with suitable nicknames for the Democrat lawmakers seeking to challenge him in 2020. But before Trump can start handing out zany monikers, he's going to have to learn all the candidates' names, which could be a challenge with so many Democrats already in the race, and many others yet to declare.

Michael Scott from The Office famously employed a unique mnemonic technique that allowed him to remember the names of all his business associates.

President Trump might consider using this relatively simple technique to ensure he has a firm grasp on the sizable Democratic field, and doesn't accidentally hurl any withering jibes at the wrong candidates. For example:

CRAZY UNCLE…

Uncle Fester… Festivals…

Woodstock… Knock on wood (That's what she said)…

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck…

Chuck E. Cheese… Flamin' Hot Cheetos…

Burns my mouth… Burny cheese… Bernie…

Ate so many Cheetos cause he had the munchies… 

Marijuana… Bob Marley… Jamaica…

Sandals Jamaica… Where there's lots of Sand… 

Bernie Sanders

HOT COP…

She will lock you up… Send you to prison… Hillary Clinton…

Hillary Swank… Hot actress who starred in P.S. I Love You

UPS… What can Brown do for you… Willie Brown…

Nepotism… Ne-POT-ism… She inhaled… 

Rhymes with impaled… The spikes from Mortal Kombat…

‘K' is for Kamala… Kama Kama Kama Kama Kama Chameleon… 

Boy George… Kidnapped a male prostitute…

Pretty Woman starring Julia Roberts…

Who was also in Stepmom with Ed Harris…

Kamala Harris

 

BALDY…

His head is bald… It is hairless…

Like a statue… Spartacus… Gladiators…

Football… Foot fetish… Quentin Tarantino…

Pulp Fiction starring John Travolta…

Scientology… Tom Cruise… ‘C' is for Cory…

Corn on the Cob… The Cobbler starring Adam Sandler…

Bernie Sanders… Karl Marx… Who wrote The Communist Manifesto

Which is a Book…

Cory Booker

GLASSES…

She looks like a nerd… Nerds go to Harvard…

Hardy har har… Something that makes you laugh…

Beavis and Butthead… TP for my bathroom… Tepees… Pocahontas…

Elizabeth Warren

MALE NANNY…

He was a Manny… Manny Ramirez…

Played for the Cleveland Indians… Elizabeth Warren… 

Pretended to be a different race… Ralph Northam… 

‘R' as in Robert… Robert Downey Jr… Iron Man…

Man of Steel… Alpha Male… NOT a Beta…

Beto O’Rourke

ANGRY MOM…

Angry birds… Big Bird… Sesame Street…

‘S' as in Stalin… He was a dictator… Bullied his staff…

Staph infection… Need to see the doctor…

Dr. Evil… Mike Meyers… Wayne's World…

World War Two… A day that will live in infamy…

What do infamy and polygamy have in common… Amy…

Plus the sound the atomic bomb made when it hit Nagasaki equals… 

AMY KLOBUCHAR

DOLL FACE…

Face plant… Something that hurts…

Ingrown hairs… Sometimes mistaken for herpes…

Her peas… Appeasement… Neville Chamberlain… 

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets… 

Book number two in the series… 

Bill Clinton served two terms and practiced infidelity… Fidel Castro…

Communist hooligan… Hooligan minus ‘G' equals…

Julián Castro

BLOND MOM…

Momma Mia… ABBA… Sweden…

Seasonal Depression… Drinking to numb the pain… Hillary Clinton…

Responsible for Benghazi… 13 Hours starring John Krasinski…

‘K' as in Kirsten… Steve Kerr… Golden State Warriors… Wario… 

Warren G… ‘G' as in…

Kirsten Gillibrand

SURFER CHICK…

Blue Crush starring Kate Bosworth…  

Who also played in Remember the Titans

Titanic… Nudity… Nudi-TEE… ‘T' is for Tulsi…

Remember the Titans again… Tennessee Titans…

Backup quarterback Blaine Gabbert… Sounds like…

Tulsi Gabbard

HAIR PLUGS…

His hair is fake…

He's scared of being bald… ‘B' as in Botox…

Face full of poison… Poison is lethal…

Lethal Weapon starring Danny Glover…

No relation to Donald Glover…

AKA Childish Gambino… The Mob… Italy…

Cappuccino… Coffee… Java… Cuppa Joe

Joey Fatone… NSYNC… Lance Bass is gay…

Gay plus straight equals Bi

Bye, Bye, Bye… Baa, Baa, Black Sheep…

Mary had a little lamb… Lion and the lamb…

Where do lions live… In a Den.

Joe Biden