OUT OF THE WOODS: Highlights from the Hillary Clinton Comeback Tour

Congratulations, America! One of your most beloved public speakers (according to 2015 market value) is back on the circuit. That's right, Hillary Clinton is coming to a regional trade or professional organization or global banking conglomerate's semi-annual conference near you! Her reps at the Harry Walker Agency are busy plugging the failed candidate's availability as her ghostwriter puts the finishing touches on her wanly anticipated third memoir, due out in September 2017.

Good for her. Hillary just spent more than a year of her life traveling the country giving hundreds of speeches for free. That's a sacrifice we commoners can hardly comprehend. Someone has got to pay the bills in the Clinton household, and the new political action committee that will jumpstart Chelsea's political career is not going to fund itself.

Hillary might not be able to command Michelle Obama money these days, but let's face facts: Social Security payments aren't enough to maintain the elite grandmother lifestyle our almost-president has grown accustomed to, or finance whatever Dark Arts rituals she's been conducting in the woods behind her house to maintain her youthful glow and stamina.

Speaking of stamina, Hillary Clinton was on impressive form yesterday when she went woman to woman with CNN's Christiane Amanpour at the Women to Women International luncheon in New York. The interview provoked a lot of discussion among pundits on social media platforms, including Twitter. You've probably already seen the headlines, so we wanted to draw your attention to some under-appreciated moments from the Hillary Clinton comeback tour. Enjoy!

Successful Stair Climb (Nice!)

Hillary, 69, has struggled with stairs in the past, but her impressive legwork (with minimal assistance from the handrail) earned her a tremendous round of applause from the stunned crowd.

HRC Signature Nod

Hillary is an established triple threat politician, having repeatedly demonstrated the ability nod, sip water, and maintain eye contact with an average voter at the same time. But it all starts with the nod, and no one knows this better than Hillary. Her nod is on a par with Kevin McHale's up-and-under move, and was deployed masterfully throughout the interview.

Whoa… Epic Full Body Nod!

Yeah, she's good. It's one of the more advanced maneuvers in the Hillary Clinton Arsenal of Nods. Don't try this at home, kids.

That time she was like NAAHHHH! 


¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (TFW you lose to Donald Trump but you're still really rich)

That's the same face Chelsea makes when you ask her about Donald Trump's plan to repeal the estate tax.


Hearing it again makes one even more in awe of Vladimir Putin and James Comey, and how they managed to convince millions of voters not to like her. (It also sounds like she could use a sip of water.)


Experts have determined that Hillary relied on soft cushions and auxiliary pillows to enhance her posture and stability throughout the 2016 campaign. A preliminary analysis of her seating arrangement during the CNN interview suggests she might be attempting to wean herself off billowy, feathery objects in preparation for her third presidential run in 2020.