How To Talk To Your Dying Relatives About The Mueller Report

From the moment Donald J. Trump was sworn into office, the liberal left has responded to the world-historical achievements of his presidency with a mixture of awe and jealousy. In the public sphere, however, these understandable human emotions have all too often manifested themselves as blind rage and an impassioned obsession with Robert Mueller's so-called "collusion" Witch Hunt.

According to NPR, this Mueller Mania is particularly prevalent among libs who are elderly and/or infirm:

Expectations among Democrats are sky-high as reports have emerged about special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation coming to an end.

In fact, expectations are so intense among some elderly, ill critics of the president that they say they want to try to hang on to see how the story all turns out.

Just as it is important to know how to discuss politics with your brainwashed lib family members at Thanksgiving, all Americans should be equipped to deal with aging, sickly relatives anxiously awaiting (most likely in vain) the results of Mueller's investigation.

For example, here is a sample New York Times front page you could bring to the hospital if things take a turn for the worse.

If they ask for details, just tell them the Supreme Court began drafting the Articles of Treason after Trump's tax returns revealed that he personally financed the annexation of Crimea. Every single Republican Senator has already voiced support for impeachment — save for Marco Rubio, who remains undecided. After the United Nations voted to establish international domain over the United States, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was able to cite the Venezuelan Constitution and declare herself the lawful president. The Green New Deal is enacted hours later. 

If they decide to stick around for more good news, here's another front page sure to put a smile on the patient's face.

Yes, that's right. History was made, sort of. Chief Justice Merrick Garland swore in Hillary Clinton as the second female president in history. Pelosi had selected Clinton as vice president to "own the cons," but refused to resign until Clinton's private security forces apprehended her en route to the White House. Pelosi remains unaccounted for. House Democrats immediately elected Ilhan Omar as her replacement. 

Feeling better, are we? Now show them this…

Enough said.

You should be aware, of course, that your loved one's lib tendencies, combined with old age and/or proximity to death, could make them targets for a variety of Mueller-themed scams.

It's probably best to keep their television turned off. Tell them Trump did it.