It is often said that children make the best pundits because they possess simple minds and pure hearts unsullied by the cynicism of adulthood. Our Twitter feeds are awash with insightful social commentary from "woke toddlers" like Charlie Kirk, causing many to wonder if extending the franchise to children is the next defining civil rights issues of our time. That is why the Washington Free Beacon decided to interview (in our minds) a bunch a random children in search of valuable perspectives on the issues of the day. As it turns out, kids really do say the darndest things. And you might just learn a thing or two — if you are willing to listen.
McPhil C., Age 9:
My elementary school doesn't offer any college-level economics courses, but I always assumed that high GDP growth and low unemployment was a good thing. Shouldn't we be celebrating the surging economy, regardless of who the president happens to be? Instead, my social media feeds are overrun with Democrat politicians and lib journos scrambling to put all this objectively positive economic data into "context," and using fancy charts and analysis to explain that, actually, economic growth is bad. As a kid, it just doesn't make much sense to me. It's almost like they want the economy to fail. I get that they hate Donald Trump, but must they be so openly hostile to the American worker?
Bushwick J., Age 7:
If I recall correctly, the mainstream media didn't publish many stories about petty corruption and cabinet member expense reports during the Obama administration. That suddenly changed around 2017. I wonder why? Maybe it’s because Valerie Jarrett et al. were just exceedingly responsible stewards of taxpayer money. They kept their heads down, served their time, and cashed in later by committing crimes for trendy corporations or defending billionaire pedophiles. I'm sure they never bought any weird or expensive items or sought to peddle influence or abuse authority for personal gain. If they had, the media would have reported it. Right?
Atticus O., Age 5:
I used to make fun of my best friend Tarquinn for saying my pet raccoon was a threat to other children. He turned out to be right, because when I brought Hermione to class for 'show and tell,' she went berserk and viciously mauled half the students in the room. Later that day, I gave Tarquinn a big hug and apologized. My parents always taught me it's important to admit when you're wrong. I learned my lesson, I just wish I could say the same for all the libs who made fun of Mitt Romney for trying to warn us about Russia.
Barack-Hussein F., Age 8:
As kids, we are constantly being told to be on the lookout for perverts, and to stay away from creepy old men. This is why, in light of recent revelations, I'm starting to reconsider my lifelong dream of working for a major media network like CBS, or NBC, or ABC. That's not the only reason. I guess I'm just increasingly hesitant to pursue a career in an industry that glorifies Jim Acosta.
Ashlynn W., Age 4:
Every Monday at my preschool, the teacher selects one student be leader of the class for the week. It's a lot of fun but also a lot of responsibility. Class leader is in charge of everything: making sure everyone puts away their crayons after 'art hour,' making sure the class walks in a single file line to and from the playground during recess, choosing who goes first in 'show and tell,' and so on. If the class leader doesn't perform up to a reasonable standard, the teacher usually gives them a warning. But if they keep messing up, the teacher will replace them with another student. Even if the class leader does a really good job the entire week, they don't just get to keep being class leader forever, because we all agree it's only fair to let someone else have a chance to be leader. I guess what I'm trying to say is: Why do House Democrats insist on keeping Nancy Pelosi as their class leader? I get that grown ups don't always play by the same rules, and it might make since if Democrats had been winning lots of congressional elections over the past few cycles, but last I checked, they've suffered a number of historic defeats on her watch. Also, isn't she, like, 100 years old, not to mention widely disliked by normal Americans? Why not let someone else have a try? Oh, and while you're at it, ever heard of a little something called 'term limits'? Ugh, don't get me started. I could rant like this for hours, but story time is about to start.