Hillary Clinton Wants to Appease Our Enemies

Actual scientific evidence suggests that Trump's hurricane policy is working

In response to a recent Axios report on President Donald J. Trump's unwillingness to rule out a nuclear strike against menacing weather hurricanes that threaten American lives, Clinton posted a comment on the popular social networking website Twitter.

ANALYSIS: How Donald Trump Physically Dominated the G7 Summit

America prevails again

Using a number of advanced techniques deployed by elite negotiators, President Trump successfully demonstrated physical supremacy over his so-called "peers."  According to the analysis, Trump's unapologetic display of American dominance stands in marked contrast to the supine deference of his predecessor, Barack Obama.

Obamas Strike Blow for Economic Justice, Donate Millions in Exchange for Massive Beachfront Estate

Former president conquers 'wealth anxiety'

Celebrity authors Barack and Michelle Obama are striking a blow for social, economic, and climate justice, vowing to donate an undisclosed eight-figure sum to Boston Celtics owner Wyc Grousbeck in exchange for his massive beachfront estate on Martha's Vineyard, the luxury island vacation spot popular with Northeastern elites, boat-shoed bon vivants, and other rich freaks who use "summer" as a verb and donate to Pete Buttigieg.

Mayor Pete’s Ice Cream GAFFE Shows He’s Too Elitist, Indecisive for the Presidency

How can anyone support his candidacy after this?

Pete Buttigieg is running for president based on the remarkable achievement of elevating South Bend from the fourth best city in Indiana to the third best. A recent video of his visit to Iowa makes it clear that despite such an unimpeachable accomplishment, the 37 year old lacks the mettle to serve as leader of the free world.

Underachieving NBA Owner Ignores ‘Obama Curse,’ Seeks Advice From Former POTUS

Wizards fans should temper their expectations for upcoming season

Ted Leonsis, owner of the Washington Wizards, a perennially underachieving NBA franchise that has only made the playoffs four times in nine seasons under his ownership, and has never advanced beyond the conference semi-finals, continues to make questionable decisions in a effort to build a winning team.

Trump Launches New Offensive in War for Human Supremacy

New regulatory guidelines seek to end coddling of "threatened" species

One of the many historic successes of Donald Trump's presidency is the impressive degree to which he has advanced the cause of human dominion over the animal kingdom. Since Trump took office, mankind has enjoyed unprecedented species dominance both in the United States and around the world. The nerds at the United Nations even published a report warning that up to a million plant and animal species were at risk of going extinct in the coming decades.

ANALYSIS: CNN Has a White Supremacy Problem

Network leases NYC office space from billionaire Trump donor

The libs are up in arms again after learning that billionaire Stephen Ross, owner of the élite fitness institutions Equinox and SoulCycle, is hosting a fundraiser this week for President Donald Trump. Doing what comes naturally, the aggrieved libs demanded a boycott Ross’s companies. Anything less would amount to a tacit endorsement of white supremacy — and, as far as the most aggrieved of the libs are concerned, of the actual murder of innocents at the hands of a racist lunatic in El Paso.

COUNTERPOINT: What To Do If The Worthless Youngsters In Your Life Get Their Panties In A Bunch Over Your Internet Habits

Get off my digital lawn, you feckless ingrates

Summer is great for three reasons: 1) jet skis, 2) babes in bikinis, and 3) the dank memes coursing through my social feeds. Not surprisingly, the libs are trying to ban all three. Jets skis are "dangerous" and "bad for the environment." Looking at hot babes is "sexist" and "oppressive." Now they've decided that old people can't be trusted with technology, and sharing a dank meme about Bill de Blasio's freakish body or Hillary Clinton's secret death squads is "conspiracy mongering."