'Cocaine Raccoons' Ravage Portland: This Is the Future Liberals Want

Left-wing dystopia enters terrifying new phase

August 30, 2023

What happened: The liberal city of Portland, Oregon, has experienced a "sudden increase in aggressive raccoon attacks" over the past month. During that same period, (human) deaths from drug overdoses have also surged.

• Portland presents an ideal environment for raccoons: large homeless encampments littered with food scraps and lots of empty buildings abandoned by businesses fleeing the city.

Oregon Catalyst suggests, quite reasonably, that the abundance of raccoons and illicit drugs in Portland may well have engendered a scenario like the one recounted in Cocaine Bear, the 2023 comedy horror film based on true events.

What they're saying: "Since Portland is one of the drug capitals of the nation and has decriminalized cocaine, the city has plenty of hard drugs left around for raccoons to discover," Oregon Catalyst writes. "With so many raccoons and so many drugs everywhere, the chances that some of these creatures are stoned are possible and never zero."

Why it matters: This is the future liberals want. Portland is one of several American cities in which Democrats have successfully created a left-wing dystopia overrun by vagrants, drug addicts, and criminal deviants. It was only a matter of time before the raccoons moved in, got hopped up on powerful stimulants, and started attacking humans as well as their dogs.

Bottom line: Judging by their voting patterns, Portland residents got exactly what they wanted. Congrats!

Published under: Cocaine , Oregon , Portland