Amid the half-witted floozies and their "pick me" jive, the punchable incels and their gay-ass giggle fits, has anyone thought to ask Donald Trump where he stands on the question of whether America and its allies should dominate the world and crush its enemies with overwhelming force to honor the legacy of the late, great Richard B. Cheney—may he rest in war?
We already know the answer, because in 2025 our handsome leader burst forth with pride from his "internet crank" closet and affirmed his true identity as "Neocon Don." Cheney—America's Dick—would never have left us if he didn't think Trump could wear the big boy pants. We just bombed Syria, for crying out loud. By the time you read this, America might be at war with Venezuela. That wasn't even on this year's Official Neocon List of Wars to Start, but we'll take it—a pleasant bonus after Trump dropped his big, beautiful bombs on Iran.
Flying the B-2 over Putin's head in Alaska was one of the bitchiest things Trump has ever done, and we mean that in a good way. He doesn't really share the neocon passion for killing Russians, but we couldn't agree more when it comes to braying buff blondes who go on CNN and rant about Jews. He could have picked a better nickname for Marjorie Taylor Greene. "Marjorie Traitor Brown (Because Green Turns to Brown Under Stress)" sucks ass. Why not something simple like "Marjorie Tarded" or "White Michelle Obama"? In any event, Trump advised her to pursue irrelevance and she complied. Is Rand Paul still in Congress? If so, he should be next.
Now we're just being greedy. Trump gave the neocons more than enough reasons to celebrate in 2025. Deporting Somali terrorists. Helping Israel win yet another war. Resuming the testing of nuclear weapons. This is the best version of Trump, and we couldn't be more proud to watch him finally live his truth.
For making our wildest dreams come true with a smile on his face and bloodlust in his eye, Neocon Don is a Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.