Billionaires are the best. There's no good reason they shouldn't be in charge of everything. Billionaires know what it takes to succeed, unlike the miserable libs who complain about them. It's been another great year for members of the Three Commas Club. Elon Musk made social media great again, Donald Trump won reelection (again), and a pair of humble tycoons—Jeff Bezos and Patrick Soon-Shiong—warmed our hearts by inciting pitiful rebellions at the Washington Post and Los Angeles Times, respectively, and pounding the shrieking journalists into submission with their diamond-inlaid iron fists.
Several weeks before Election Day, the editorial boards at the Post and the Times were very excited to publish their pointless and predictable endorsements of Kamala Harris—angsty drivel, no doubt, about how "the future of American democracy is stake"—but the billionaire owners shut them down, as is their right. Doing what comes naturally, the lib journalists reacted like spoiled children. With characteristic delusion, they (falsely) portrayed themselves as members of a sacrosanct professional class, widely revered by the uncredentialed masses who might still be swayed by their powerful words, cruelly deprived of their moral duty to coauthor overwrought diary entries about why "Trump is a big fat poo-poo head." It was literally violence, they whined.
Some of them quit their jobs in protest, leading many to suspect the endorsement controversy was a brilliant ploy to expel the most obnoxious partisans. The Israelis have a term for this: "mowing the grass." It was also a great way to reduce exorbitant payroll costs without having to pay severance. These papers are losing tens of millions of dollars every year. The Post lost almost twice as much as the WNBA, another shitty product that would not exist without the benevolence of billionaires. Most of the journalists got the message and cosigned angsty statements of lament while refusing to sacrifice anything of value. Typical lib move.
Bezos (net worth: $240 billion) and Soon-Shiong (net worth: a mere $6 billion) are trying to save a dying industry that ought to have a "do not resuscitate" order in place by now. They probably won't succeed, but it's been fun to watch them try by restoring a modicum of sanity and humility to their newsrooms. Ivy League administrators could learn a thing or two from these noble titans. Parent-toddler relationships are never easy, but at some point you have to lay down the law and force the whining toddlers to wipe their own filthy asses for once. And now, Bezos and Soon-Shiong will do so as Washington Free Beacon Men of the Year. Huzzah!
