Daily Show host Jon Stewart mocked the state of the Democratic Party in North Carolina Thursday, between the trial of former presidential candidate John Edwards and the ongoing sexual harassment scandal in the North Carolina state Democratic Party:
JON STEWART: It looks like the 2012 presidential race is finally set. Romney will be for the Republicans, Barack Obama the Democrats. Of course they'll be heading down to Charlotte, N.C., for their convention this summer. We'll be there, too. Let's see how Democrats in the tar heel state are faring these days.
REPORTER: Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards arriving in court. His federal trial begins today.
REPORTER: Edwards is accused of accepting almost $1 million in illegal campaign contributions to hide his mistress from the press while he ran for president.
STEWART: You know what, though? You know what? Still looks good, still looks good. Remember the two Americas guy that you thought packed up and moved to the other America. But, no, he's still here! All right. Well, Democrats are probably hoping the formality of a trial will bring some dignity to this otherwise tawdry affair.
REPORTER: Edwards called his mistress a crazy blank.
STEWART: I love this game. Crazy eight? Crazy love? Crazy cute? Crazy Eddie?
REPORTER: Calling her a "crazy slut."
STEWART: Thank you, Shep. I assume Edwards meant a promiscuous person who behaves recklessly, who screws around without thought of one's life and career, yeah. She's the crazy slut, yeah. But I could see why CBS wouldn't want to use that word "slut," you know, on television, given the refined sensibility of their primetime shows.
CBS: I’m not a slut.
CBS: You’re a whore.
CBS: Drunken whore.
CBS: Drug-addled hooker.
CBS: Blonde, bony skank.
STEWART: The story gets weirder and weirder. apparently when Edwards first found out his mistress was pregnant, Edwards questioned whether he was actually the father.
SMITH: John Edwards claimed there was only a one-in-three chance he was his mistress' baby daddy.
STEWART: One-in-three chance. The odds are against it. Do we have any footage of the baby, though? Can we take a look at that? That is--that is the creepiest thing any of us will see in a very long time. But John Edwards is the party's past. The modern Democratic Party in North Carolina is a well-oiled machine.
REPORTER: Jay Parmley, the executive director of the North Carolina Democratic Party, has resigned.
REPORTER: He was accused of sexually harassing a male employee.
STEWART: Look on the bright side--no love child. But hey, that's old news anyway. Now all eyes are on the party's chairman, David Parker, who didn't fire Parmley when the allegations came to light. Why?
PARKER: When he talked with you, he is one of those people that will shake your hand and put his hand--his other hand on your shoulder. Nothing improper about that. It's just who he is. There's a leg touch. He reaches around behind, through, apparently bucket seats, whacked him on the leg to wake him up. It's not sexual. I don't know when this shoulder rubbing happened. Pretend punches. Some men like to pretend they're going to whack you in a particularly painful place. There's nothing sexual about that.
STEWART: Come on, everybody! What are you so upset about? Can't a grown man punch another grown man in the dong while at work? What kind of dystopia do we live in here? When that logic failed, parker used a different tact.
REPORTER: Parker called Jay Parmley nothing more than a close talker.
STEWART: Wow. In fact, he stands so close to you when he speaks it's nearly impossible for him not to touch your balls. By the way, a close talker? What is this, the Seinfeld defense?
Published under: DNC , John Edwards , Video