10 Last-Minute Gift Ideas for the Tea Partier in Your Life

A Christmas ornament depicts Ron Paul / Etsy
December 23, 2013

President Barack Obama’s campaign arm, Organizing for Action, has received plenty of attention for politicizing the holidays by encouraging people to talk to their "crazy" Obamacare-hating uncles during Thanksgiving and hoping you cozy up next to "Pajama boy" this Christmas for some hot cocoa to "get talking" about health insurance.

In case you haven’t gotten your crazy Tea Party uncle a gift yet for Christmas, here are 10 last-minute ideas:

10. The "Ron Paul Tubing on a Snowy Winter Day Paper Ornament"—$8.00

This cute ornament features former congressman and failed presidential candidate Ron Paul sledding through a winter wonderland and appeasing America’s enemies. For the Ron Paul fan in your life, this gift is the next best thing to winning Dr. Paul’s vintage Chevy. Consider pairing with a Confederate flag wrestling mask, as made famous by one former staffer of Rep. Paul’s son, Sen. Rand Paul (R., Ky.).

9. The Santa* Says "Fire Obama!" iPhone Case—$24.50

"This extremely lightweight, smart-looking case provides both style and protection for your iPhone 5/5S. A sleek, modern design securely snaps onto your phone. This custom case can't be beat."

Also available in posters, license plates, aprons, mugs, hats, t-shirts, and sticky notes.

*White Santa only

8. The Obama Barf Bag—$10

Steve Stockman campaign website
Steve Stockman campaign website

Donate $10 to Steve Stockman’s Senate campaign and you have the perfect gift for any relative who feels queasy after five years of Obama’s socialist policies. Plus, you’re helping oust the "Liberal" John Cornyn. It’s a win-win.

7. The Ted Cruz Coloring Book—$4.99

Free Beacon ombudsman Biff Diddle found dangerous communistic propaganda in The Ted Cruz Coloring Book, so reserve this gift for the squishier conservative uncles in your family.

6. The Greatest Living President Ornament—$12.50

If your conservative uncle is of the neocon persuasion, delight him with this ornament featuring our Greatest Living President.

5. The "Merry Christmas You Politically Correct Bastard!" Sweatshirt—$23.57

Because the War on Christmas isn’t going to fight itself.

4. The Chief Congressional Elves Print—$25

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D., Nev.) has his boxing gloves on and Speaker of the House John Boehner (R., Ohio) is smoking a cigarette with a scotch. "Made to order."

3. Custom Handmade Knit Republican Baby Booties—$27.99

For all the little tea party uncles of the future.

2. Louis Gohmert trading cards—$1.95

Louie Gohmert / AP
Louie Gohmert / AP

These political trading cards feature Rep. Louis Gohmert (R., Texas), the only true conservative in Congress, and make great stocking stuffers for your liberty-minded uncles. Consider pairing with this shirt calling for the secession of Texas.

1. GOLD—$1,195 an ounce

Rosland Capital YouTube
Rosland Capital YouTube

Gold is currently at a three-year low, meaning it’s a great time to invest in the only currency that will matter when the world’s financial systems collapse! 


Vanilla Scented Mitt Romney Soap Head—$9.99

Published under: Humor