Despite gagging five runs at the top of the first inning, Justin Verlander was bailed out by the Detroit Tigers offense to salvage a win over the Los Angeles Dodgers last night. Verlander spotting the Dodgers a five run lead inflated his ERA to 4.85, while the help from the offense kept his record above .500 at 8-7 for the season. For a player of Verlander's caliber, he's been outright awful this year.
What changed?
A perfect night for Keeping Kids in the Game tonight at Comerica Park! pic.twitter.com/a9BtOKMkd1
— #PickRick (@tigers) July 8, 2014
Kate Upton may empower women and challenge social mores, but she, like all supersmokes, is absolute kryptonite for professional athletes.
While a dalliance with a mere mortal may focus an athlete's mind and restore his virility, the opposite occurs when he's sharing company with a lady of Kate's caliber. You wouldn't be concentrating on mechanics either if you knew Kate Upton was waiting for you after the game.
Let’s review some other tragic pairings.
Justin Verlander is not the first athlete to rather hang out with Kate Upton than play a sport. Kate and current career back-up quarterback Mark Sanchez once hung out once or twice. Kate didn't make Sanchez start to suck, she merely exposed what a fraud he is as a QB.
Newly christened American Anne V got ex-paramour pitcher Matt Harvey in hot water for showing him what else he can be doing in New York.
After his marriage to SI swimsmoke Brooklyn Dceker in 2009, tennis player Andy Roddick didn't smell another Grand Slam final. He retired in 2012 to do television because you wouldn't want to be on tour either when you're married to Brooklyn Decker.
Perhaps the athletes most affected by this phenomenon are professional soccer players.
Not even ten days went past for Christian Ronaldo to butt in girlfriend Irina Shayk's selfie. If Ronaldo didn't get that cheapo cross in that tied Portugal with the U.S. in pool play, who knows? Maybe he'd still be stuck in Brazil.
Speaking of Brazil, Brazilian supersmoke Adriana Lima was once married to Serbian basketball player Marko Jaric. His brief NBA career concluded after their engagement. Any other time he was picked by a NBA squad, he would be cut two weeks later.
Adriana was not the sole Brazilian supersmoke attending yesterday's Brazil-Germany soccer rout.
She was joined by fellow Brazilian and Victoria's Secret angel Alessandra Ambrosio. It's a double inverse slumpbuster!
Alessandra once dated a surfer. He doesn't have a website.
For a nation that broke its back, lost its soul, and wasted millions of dollars on the chance to dominate its national pastime on its home turf, the culprit of Brazil's nationwide heartbreak is none other than the greatest inverse slumpbuster to ever walk the earth.
New England Patriot fans know her name.
We were wondering what would break first, Brazil: Your sprit?
Or your body?
