Too Legit To Mitt: A Verse Epic

• November 27, 2018 3:17 pm


All Hail The God King Romney!

A shadow has been lifted

A rider hastens from the West

The ashen sands have shifted

Victory his only quest 

Forsaken once before

By citizens unwise

Our faith he shall restore

Arrest our ship's demise

For love of sport

By duty bound

To stand athwart

He shall be crowned 

Deliver Us, O Willard!

A wicked storm hath fled the swamp for now.

A wicked folk on which the light of day

Is wasted, for whom no witness would avow,

Hath stumbled into fortune's grace; a true gourmet

Of gentleman, a noble beefcake, rare

In breed and body, humbly thrust upon

Our plate, that we may hunger not — for hair 

So lush and silver, eyes by angels drawn!

Deliver us, O Willard, from the gaping jaws

Of treason's beast! Ascend your rightful throne! 

Commit with force to rectify our laws,

To fertilize these cursèd lands ungrown!

Alight Rafalca, loyal steed, and claim

Your kingdom, nurtured now in freedom's flame.

Shame On Us, Who Shunned Thy Grace!

What might have been, ye studly Mormon sage,

What shackles we'd have shed, and triumphs tasted,

Famines fed; our guilt you must assuage,

Our sins forgive! It's said that freedom's wasted

on the free, and 2012's result agrees.

Shame! Shame on us, who shunned thy grace!

Curse our wretched souls, who scorned thy pleas,

And mocked thy gaffes! Time cannot erase

what's past, unsate Obama's Marxist lust, 

Nor Biden's odd proclivities, alas! 

Barack the wind he did command —to gust!

The hurricane he conjured came to pass,

And breached the levies of your just campaign,

Our joyous future drowned in vengeance rain.  

They Dressed As Binders, Criticized

You tried to hire female staff — for shame!

They dressed as binders, criticized — the fools!

The 1980's called for you by name!

The message: Putin barks, but lacks the tools

To threaten our democracy — like ISIS

He is junior varsity, Obama

chided childishly; where you saw crisis,

He sought flexibility — from drama,

Lest he scuttle plans to carpet bomb

Tehran with crates of cash; Crimea plundered,

Goutha gassed, Yemen turned to Somme.

Intellects unbound may well have wondered:

Who was he to silence your alarm?

"Red lines" crossed, our crafty Chamberlain

Seduced the Blob, young scribes his charm

 Beguiled; Rome in flames, a strummèd mandolin.

O! How they cower now at Putin's might!

And whisper out of sight: "Mitt was right."

Published under: Mitt Romney