Democratic fundraising emails during the midterms elections exhibited disturbingly high levels of derangement. Apparently, old habits die hard. Democratic strategist Paul Begala latest fundraising email for the Democratic House Majority PAC proudly continues this tradition, but with a twist.
Instead of ranting about the nefarious Koch brothers and their efforts to poison our children’s cereal, Begala targets someone even more reviled among the liberal base: Dick Cheney. The fundraising appeal—subject line: "malevolent army of flying monkeys"—deploys an extraordinary amount of creative flourish, while comparing the former veep to, among other things, Lord Voldemort, the Wicked Witch of the West, Dracula, and Satan:
The moon over Washington was blood red. The Ghost of Foul-Ups Past emerged from his cave. Stroking a hairless cat named Halliburton, he moved silently through the roomful of lobbyists, plutocrats and fat cats, his cape trailing in the mist. Though crowded, the room was suddenly cold, chilled from the icy presence of former Vice President Voldemort. As he stood atop the podium to address his minions, flames shot from his fingertips and sulfur steamed out of his nose. His eyes glowed red as he inhaled deeply, sucking in the souls of every man and woman in the room, turning them into his private malevolent army of flying monkeys.
At least that's what I imagine the Dick Cheney fundraiser for House Republicans Tuesday night was like.
Help House Majority PAC answer Cheney's millions. Click here to donate before their first FEC deadline of 2015. …
I may have a few of the details wrong, but this I do know: The worst vice president in history (yes, worse than Agnew, who was a felon; worse than Burr, who shot and killed Alexander Hamilton) raised $17.5 million for the House GOP this week. …
We can do this. We banished Dick Cheney once; we can do it again. We can stand up for progressive values and make Dick Cheney turn tail and run like the devil runs from holy water. Let's do this. Click here NOW.
PS: If for some reason you can't spare even a few bucks, do yourself a favor: put some garlic on your nightstand. You never know when Cheney will fly again.