CHICAGO—President Joe Biden wasn't supposed to give a speech on Monday, the opening day of the Democratic convention in Chicago. He should have been resting up for the main event on Thursday. Everyone else was supposed to be singing his praises, not thanking him for going away. The crowd was supposed to be cheering his reelection, not screaming their lungs out at any mention of his (very much involuntary) departure from public life.
Yet there the old man stood, on stage at the United Center, listening to the deafening chants of "We love Joe," looking out on a sea of signs. A passing of the torch. Joe Biden's last hurrah. Introduced by his daughter Ashley and wife Dr. Jill, the president fondly recalled his father's words that "family is the beginning, the middle, and the end." Biden said this one day before the mother of his granddaughter, whom he still hasn't seen, publishes a bombshell memoir recounting the hell Hunter Biden and his team of lawyers put her through—the chaos roiling Biden's precious family when he decided to subject them to a presidential campaign.
Biden didn't come out until 11:30 p.m. Eastern, well past his bedtime and significantly behind schedule, a move that irked some Biden loyalists who complained about how "awful" it was that Democrats had "cut him out of prime time." The crowd cheered politely while Biden listed off his accomplishments, yelled his geezerly yell, and mangled the words written on his giant teleprompter—except when he bragged about (allegedly) reducing unlawful border crossings. They cheered louder when he touted his commitment to "strengthening illegal immigration." They had already expended most of their energy on the younger, more relevant Democrat speakers who were also eager to thank Biden for leaving (against his will) and giving them a joyous and historic candidate.
"I want to kick us off by celebrating our incredible president, Joe Biden," Kamala Harris said in a brief appearance at the United Center, where Kennedy scion Jack Schlossberg and the Pod Save America bros schmoozed and took selfies with fans. "Thank you for your historic leadership...we are forever grateful for you." She embodies the joy-exuding historic future Democrats have gathered to celebrate. Unlike Biden, who embodies the limitations of the human body, and is more than twice as old as Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D., N.Y.), who inspired chants of "AOC!" Beyond extensive security perimeters, AOC's other fans marched and held signs denouncing "Killer Kamala" and "Genocide Joe."
Hillary Clinton, the twice-failed presidential candidate, wore an oatmeal pantsuit. She brought the house down with a speech dedicated to the fact that Harris, not Biden, was the nominee. "The future is here!" she cackled, milking the applause and chants of "lock him up!" She even congratulated herself for making it happen. Hillary bragged that her defeat in 2016, which she has repeatedly claimed was illegitimate, proved Americans were (almost) ready for "a future where there are no ceilings on our dreams." (You're welcome, Kamala.) She spoke of Biden in the past tense, as if delivering a eulogy. "Joe Biden brought back dignity, decency, and competence to the White House, and he demonstrated what it means to be a patriot," she mourned.
Biden finally got around to eulogizing himself, acknowledging he was "too old" to continue as president. "It's been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your president," he said. "I love the job, but I love my country more." He said choosing Kamala Harris as his running mate was "the best decision I made in my whole career." When it was over, Harris joined Biden on stage. This time, unlike their last appearance together, he leaned all the way in and took a good long sniff of hair.
