The World Cup is great because, like the election and reelection of Barack Obama, it gives American hipsters a chance to partake in unironic expressions of patriotism. It also provides a convenient segue to telling your friends about the "football" "club" you grew to love during the 5 ½ weeks you "lived" in Spain that summer after your junior year at Oberlin. (And check out this cool scarf I got!)
We all know that soccer is a socialist sport. That's simply beyond dispute at this point. The "USA" team’s recently unveiled World Cup uniforms are proof enough. In fact, they appear to be modeled after the flag of the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.
Or worse, the French flag.
Wake up, America!