There's a funny story at the Washington Post's website last night about Rep. Aaron Schock's choice of office decor. Apparently, he has designed his Capitol Hill office to resemble a set from PBS costume drama Downton Abbey:
Bright red walls. A gold-colored wall sconce with black candles. A Federal-style bull’s-eye mirror with an eagle perched on top. And this is just the Illinois Republican’s outer office.
"It’s actually based off of the red room in ‘Downton Abbey,’ " said the woman behind the front desk, comparing it to the luxurious set piece at the heart of the British period drama.
The story—and his staff's handling of it—elicited much snickering from the chattering classes on Twitter last night, who simply couldn't imagine why Schock wouldn't want such a story out there.
Anyway, as someone who thinks offices should be brightened up with decorations that reflect your sensibilities—I myself have an Israeli Barry Lyndon poster and a recreation of Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness in my office, among other bits of cultural detritus—I salute Schock for ditching the typically boring Capitol Hill duds and trying to spice things up a bit. I do, however, question his taste.
So allow me to present a few alternate office-style choices for Rep. Schock.
The Godfather's Den
Classic, old world elegance: dark leather, dark wood, nice rugs, and a nice desk behind which one can dispense favors to supplicants.
Imperial Star Destroyer Bridge
It only really works if you have an office with wraparound windows. But what better way to signal your appreciation for the true heroes of the Star Wars saga: The Galactic Empire?
Conan the Barbarian's Feast Hall
For those who understand what is best in life (and desire an eastern touch), Conan has an office to die for. Bonus points for the seating arrangement: You always want to be higher than your underlings. If you make them literally look up to you, they'll figuratively do the same.
Dr. Strangelove's War Room
A well known deficit hawk, Schock could burnish his credentials as a real hawk by adopting the famed design from Stanley Kubrick's beloved celebration of nuclear conflict. Though hard to pull off in the House offices, Schock should keep this in mind if he moves up to the Senate. Higher ceilings, you know.
The Iron Throne Room
Some will say that this style of office isn't good for meetings and such. But do you really want underlings having some place to sit while they bow and scrape for your favor? I say no.
Overlook Hotel Bar
You've already sold your soul to get into Congress. Why not enjoy yourself? This elegant and stylish option will give you a place to relax as you consider the ways to punish pups for their perfidy. Staffers may resent being forced to dress like Lloyd the Bartender, but they'll get used to it.
The Bada Bing
Some will question the inclusion of stripper poles in a congressional office. However, Tony Soprano always did his best thinking at the Bing. You think you're better than Tony Soprano?