Satire

HISTORY MADE: Trump Becomes First POTUS Infected by China Virus, Tests Positive on Gandhi’s Birthday

Donald J. Trump is experiencing "mild symptoms" after making history as the first U.S. president to be infected by a China virus. He is in "good spirits" and feeling "very energetic," according to White House chief of staff Mark Meadows.

All that is to be expected, given Trump's scientifically assessed status as "the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency." The diagnosis is merely the latest in a long line of historical achievements in which Trump has played a pivotal role. He was also the first president to be "impeached" despite not doing anything wrong, and the U.S. women's soccer team broke the record for most goals in a single match during the 2019 World Cup.

Coincidentally or not, Trump's positive test results were announced in the early hours of October 2, the birthday of Indian civil rights icon Mahatma Gandhi. "Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for COVID-19," Trump wrote on Twitter, the popular social networking website. "We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!"

Once again, Trump has managed to unite our great country around a common purpose: Praying for his swift recovery. Even radical left-wing journalist Rachel Maddow is embracing patriotism over partisanship, and faith over heresy, in these turbulent times. "God bless the president and the first lady," Maddow tweeted after learning of Trump's test results. "If you pray, please pray for their speedy and complete recovery — and for everyone infected, everywhere."