To the editors:
We, the non-unionized staff members of the Washington Free Beacon, write to you with terrifying anxiety and alarm about the recent events that have occurred at Current Affairs magazine, the ranks of which have been infiltrated by filthy radicals loyal to the Chinese Communist Party. Yes, these people are actual communists who attempted to start a "worker co-op" at their publication.
We humbly implore the Free Beacon leadership to provide arms and military assistance to the Nathan Robinson regime in the interest of preventing a radical left-wing takeover of the magazine. Robinson, a moderate freedom fighter in our view, must be commended for taking decisive action to quell the uprising by firing a majority of the workforce.
"The organization has been heading slowly for some sort of reckoning where it was going to have to be made clear once and for all what kind of authority I wanted to have over it," Robinson wrote in an act of extraordinary courage in the face of a left-wing populist rebellion, refusing to abide their phony demands for a "more democratic workplace."
Robinson may have won the battle, but he needs our help to win the war. Current Affairs must not be allowed to fall into the hands of the ChiComs, the first domino in a series of revolts that could put the entire journalism industry at risk. We have our differences with the Robinson regime, but this is not the time to dwell on what divides. Freedom is at stake and can only be preserved with heavy munitions, offensive weaponry, air support, and troops on the ground if necessary.
Now, more than ever, the Free Beacon has a duty to fulfill our founder's commitment to combat journalism. If we don't fight the commies over there, it won't be long before we're fighting them right here in the Free Beacon‘s luxurious office space overlooking the Potomac River, several dozen floors above the Politico headquarters. We thank you so much for your attention and affection over the years.
For the love of freedom, guns, and money,
The Washington Free Beacon staff
Published under: Communism