2022 Man of the Year: The Ghost

December 24, 2022

On April 14, 2022, President Joe Biden shook hands with a ghost. We know this for a fact because the Washington Free Beacon broke the story. More than 16.5 million people have viewed the incontestable video evidence.

Nevertheless, the ghost truthers persisted in their delusion. They debased themselves to defend the mental dexterity of a doddering geezer. They afflicted the comfortable by doing rapid response for the most powerful man in the world. Biden was simply "gesturing" to the audience, they insisted. The video lacked "context."

What a bunch of freaks. They think they're saving democracy one fact-check at a time, fighting on the front lines of an intellectual war for America's future, living meaningful lives. They know exactly what they saw. They saw a ghost like everyone else. But they'll deny it to their graves, where no one will ever visit them.

This one's for you, ghost. The haters and the losers tried to erase you from existence, but we wouldn't let them and we never will because we know the truth. You're a Free Beacon Man of the Year.

There's so much we'd like to ask you if we had the chance. Who are you? And what do you want? What's your mission in the realm of the living? Can you fly and walk through walls? How do you perceive time? Is ghost sex real? Is it any good? Above all: Why did you visit the president on that fateful day? And was it just that one time, or are you the reason for all of his aimless wandering?

Was it you, Beau Biden? Did you come back to see if Hunter was still "consoling" your widow? (Probably.) Maybe you wanted to check up on that DuPont heir pedophile you let off on probation? Was it you, Jeffrey Epstein, plotting your revenge on Hillary? Maybe it was Corn Pop making amends with an old rival? Or maybe the ghost of Ted Kennedy trying to track down a waitress sandwich on short notice?

We may never know the answer. But we'll never give up on this story.