Getting fired brings men to a proverbial fork in the road. You can take it like a man, grab the booze you've been hiding in your top drawer, and have a good ol' fashioned bender. Or you can go out in a blaze of glory, and make a public display of your dismissal so big that everyone will remember you after you get the boot.
Journalist Chris Brunet didn't even glance at the first path when he faced termination for self-publishing a story about a lying Harvard professor.
(DISCLOSURE: We didn’t read the story. You can if you want. Some reasonable people say Brunet's story is bullshit, but our research has found that Ivy League institutions are backward and that most professors are full of shit. For our purposes today, it does not matter.)
As the Daily Caller went to push Brunet out the door, he played one of the oldest cards in the book: The "You can't fire me, because I quit!" card. And then he took it a step further and self-published again, this time his scorched-earth resignation email.
At the outset, Brunet lets his former boss know that he "believes in the concept of 'radical honesty a-la Ray Dalio." In other words: Buckle up, buckaroo, because this email is going to be batshit.
It was a fair warning. Brunet goes on to say that he "didn't make a single friend" in his two months at the Caller, that he felt like an "alienated" "outsider," and that the reason he "never clicked with anyone" was because all his colleagues suck. His only regret? He didn't tell them they sucked to their faces. Here's Brunet:
"A lot of the reporters are stupid and annoying. Some of them are cool. But too many of them are stupid toxic kids. I hate calling people ‘stupid/toxic/annoying’ behind their back. I would rather say it to their face. But that is not conducive or professional to tell your co-workers that, so of course I would never. I just don’t want to be around stupid, toxic, annoying people all day ever day."
Fair enough, and thanks for the notes on professionalism. He goes on to attack the outlet's readers for caring about stupid crap, and not the important issues Brunet cares about, like…"crypto."
"Of the stories in my inbox that I am cc’d on every day, how many do I care about? Zero, usually. They are giving me cancer. Being around all these blurbs is giving me cancer of the soul."
Preach, sister! What's next? Well, the Daily Caller was messing with his ability to "shitpost."
"I used to love the way I wrote. I no longer feel that way. I have been neutered and lost all creativity in my prose. I am a shitposter at heart and I need to be allowed to shitpost a rant. I resent having to get someone’s approval to shitpost. I should be free to shitpost at any time or place about any topic. I am suffocating without being able to do that."
Brunet goes on to admit that self-publishing the Harvard story was probably a mistake. "But what's done is done," he concludes. "It is in the past now."
Like all free-agent shitposters, Brunet took his work to Substack. He's posted a lot of shit since, but the Free Beacon has only reviewed one such shitpost, because it mentioned us.
Apparently, Free Beacon alum Matthew Foldi is a member of the Central Intelligence Agency.
Yes, that CIA.
And yes, that Matthew Foldi.
Apparently Foldi's flamboyant blazers and unique personality were just part of his cover. The Free Beacon has been unable to independently verify the claim.
Brunet's shitpost is now behind a paywall, but his evidence that Foldi is a CIA asset basically boils down to the fact that Foldi is Jewish, which the Free Beacon can definitely confirm. Brunet also claims Foldi only got a bunch of high-profile endorsements for his congressional campaign because he's a Jewish asset of the Jewish-controlled intelligence agency.
Brunet doesn't seem to find it strange that the CIA—an agency known for backing successful coups d’etat around the world—couldn't even get Foldi through a GOP primary as part of its effort "to subvert democracy and plant an asset in Congress." Maybe that means Foldi isn't in the CIA. Or maybe it doesn't.
But it doesn't matter. You don't need to reach conclusions when you're shitposting, which Brunet is now free to do, as he dreamt of, "at any time or place about any topic."
For hitting his shitposting stride and going into remission from his Daily Caller-induced cancer of the soul, we tip our hats to you, Mr. Brunet. And we're happy to report that our CIA handlers have cleared us to crown you a Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.