When Mike Itkis decided to run against Democrat congressman Jerry Nadler in New York's 12th district, he knew the odds were against him. Nadler can be seen regularly grandstanding at committee hearings and on the talk-show circuit. He's been in office since the early 1990s. Itkis needed to play catch up. So he made a sex tape.
The 53-year-old cybersecurity expert happens to be a vocal proponent of legalized sex work and wanted to put his money where his mouth is. "If I would just talk about it, it wouldn’t demonstrate my commitment to the issue," Itkis told City & State. "And the fact I actually did it was a huge learning experience, and it actually influenced items on my platform." We’re sure it did.
Costarring adult actress Nicole Sage, the 13-minute video is called Bucket List Bonanza. We’ll spare you the whole blow-by-blow, but needless to say it pales in comparison to the legendary work of a perennial Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year. "It’s art," said one of our colleagues, referring to the oeuvre of the president’s son.
Itkis campaigned on a series of adult-oriented issues: sex positivity, abolishing adultery laws, opposition to child-support payments. But would any of these unorthodox positions resonate with voters?
In the end, the candidate failed to mount a come-from-behind victory: Itkis garnered a mere 583 votes compared with Nadler’s whopping 186,357.
It’s a pity Itkis, a lifelong Democrat who ran as an independent, did not win the race. He could’ve launched a whole franchise of congressionally themed adult movies: Filibuster This! Porked Barrel. Logjam. Logjam II: Ramming Legislation. Logjam III: Unanimous Consent. Ranking Member. He would’ve put the cauc in caucus.
Even the Republican challenger Mike Zumbluskas was sympathetic, telling City & State, "You gotta do what you gotta do. The media ignores everybody that’s not a Democrat in the city."
Rest assured, Mike Itkis, we did not ignore you. In fact, for your valiant efforts, we’re awarding you the title of Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.