Hold on to your butts: There's finally a good TikTok.
It's true. After billions of influencer dances and embarrassing White House publicity stunts, there's finally a reason to check out the Chinese Communist Party's favorite social media site.
His name is csmsteve.
For a few glorious months, this Desert Storm veteran brought some much-needed patriotism to the hellsite, sharing videos honoring the troops and defending Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year Kyle Rittenhouse against slander and lies. Needless to say, the Maoists at TikTok blocked his posts.
Fortunately for us, this led to csmsteve's swan song. Posted on Nov. 15, the 15-second video is so amazing, it's worth quoting in full:
"TikTok, I'm gettin' tired of you blockin' my fuckin' shit. You're a piece of fuckin' shit, you motherfuckers. And fuckin' Kyle Rittenhouse is gonna win, and fuckin' Biden's a piece of shit, and fuck everybody. I hate people!"
Writers, take note: csmsteve has done more in just 38 words than most of you can do in 1,000. Like a Hemingway short story, this missive is worth breaking down, line by line:
"TikTok, I'm gettin' tired of you blockin' my fuckin' shit."
A strong lede. This tells you everything you need to know about what's to come. Right off the bat we learn the target of csmsteve's attack (TikTok), exactly how he feels about them (not pleased), and precisely why that is (they're blockin' his fuckin' shit).
"You're a piece of fuckin' shit, you motherfuckers."
As any good speechwriter will tell you, repetition is key. At first glance, this line seems redundant with the opening salvo. But on closer examination, you'll note that csmsteve has subtly raised the stakes by upping the expletive count and refusing to even mention TikTok by name. The die is cast!
Finally, having absolutely decimated TikTok, csmsteve reiterates the political opinions that got him banned in the first place:
"And fuckin' Kyle Rittenhouse is gonna win."
Note that this was four days before Rittenhouse was acquitted on all charges. This correct, unequivocal prediction makes csmsteve a better political analyst than literally everyone employed at CNN.
"And fuckin' Biden's a piece of shit."
Fact check: true.
"And fuck everybody. I hate people!"
Amen, brother. Amen.
True to his word, csmsteve has not shared a video on TikTok since this epic takedown. Though we wish he would post more, we admire the courage of his convictions. We share his sentiments completely. And we are proud to name him a Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.
Published under: Man of the Year