This year will be remembered for all the things it was lacking, but there was one man who was a day late and a toilet paper roll short to the coronavirus arrival. Twenty-twenty brought many unforeseen events: rapper Kanye West running for president of the United States; playboy actor Zac Efron dating a barista; and retired actor Rick Moranis getting punched in the face. But this was all outweighed by Jared Leto, who was completely oblivious to the global pandemic.
The actor and rockstar, Leto, was immersed in a 12-day silent wellness retreat filled with the aromas of patchouli and musky body odor. He was living a hippie's wet dream while the rest of the country started their sentences in lockdown. Leto's days were presumably filled with cleansing auras, aligning chakras, perineum sunning, and sleeping like Nosferatu to preserve his cherubic good looks.
The sweet bliss was over, however, when his vibes were messed with upon entering back into the real world. The apocalypse that has been 2020 was too much so he did what every celebrity does and got on Twitter. On March 17, six days into national quarantine, Leto tweeted, "Wow. 12 days ago I began a silent meditation in the desert. We were totally isolated. No phone, no communication, etc. We had no idea what was happening outside the facility." He followed it up with, "Walked out yesterday into a very different world. One that's been changed forever. Mind blowing—to say the least. I'm getting messages from friends and family all around the globe and catching up on what's going on. … Hope you and yours are ok. Sending positive energy to all. Stay inside. Stay safe."
Thankfully the gracious Leto let us all know to stay inside and be cautious. We know we canceled all our big plans after his revelation and stopped licking door handles. The actor is just shy of qualifying for AARP so he should be more concerned about current events. Social Security is on his horizon and if COVID-19 doesn't end soon, the actor may have the unemployment line in the near future. At least the mystery of how Jared Leto missed out on the tone-deaf celebrity remake version of "Imagine" has been solved! For his complete oblivion to one of the year's biggest disasters, Jared Leto is a Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.
Published under: Men of the Year