Analysis: What If Woke Liberals Didn't Get To Label Everything?

Introducing the Washington Free Beacon Alternative Style Guide for Reporting on Issues of Controversy (ASGRIC)

May 23, 2023

It goes without saying: The mainstream media is run by liberal activists. This ideological bias manifests itself in several ways, including the words journalists are allowed to use when discussing controversial issues.

For example, the New York Times might publish an article about how "a group of anti-fascist uterus-bearing individuals deployed Molotov cocktails to peacefully express their grievances over Florida's 'Don't Say Gay' law, which critics say could prevent access to gender-affirming care and reproductive freedom for undocumented Latinx immigrants, substance-affected unhoused citizens with prior justice system involvement, and full-figured sex entrepreneurs."

The story would read a lot differently if it wasn't written, edited, and published by liberal activists and members of the cultural elite who are constantly trying to impose their "correct" opinions on the general public. The woke words and phrases used in media reports would make a lot more sense to the average American if these people weren't in charge—if journalists were forced to abide by the Washington Free Beacon Alternative Style Guide for Reporting on Issues of Controversy (ASGRIC):

Undocumented immigrant → Foreign-born fugitive from justice 

Gender-affirming care for minorsChild abuse

LGBTQQIP2SAA+ rights → Gay rights

• Drag Queen → Gender appropriator

AbortionExtrajudicial fetal assassination, anti-life health care

Death penaltyJustice affirming care

Assault rifleFreedom friend, justice dispenser

Racially inclusiveRacially obsessed

• Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion → Six-figure consulting fees

Black Lives MatterScam PAC

Pro-Palestinian activistJew hater

Teachers' unionsAnti-child activists

Tax cutsRestorative justice

Democracy dies in darknessDemocracy thrives on Jennifer Rubin columns

War on WomenKinetic military action against individuals with an active uterus

#MeToo era → Brief period of anti-male activism from 2017 until Tara Reade's credible accusation of sexual assault against Joe Biden

Speak truth to powerLeave Joe Biden alone

Hillary ClintonCrooked

Long CovidMental illness

New York City SubwayPublic toilet

WNBA fansLiars

SoccerPerformative falling 

BicycleMorally abhorrent nerd-conveying road hazard 

Happy HolidaysMerry Christmas

God bless youGod bless America