ADVERTISEMENT

The Worst Review of Man of Steel You’ll Ever Read

God, what a patriotic tool. MOAR SATIRE PLZ
June 13, 2013

I was going to let it go. To restrain myself to a few snarky tweets. To keep from getting into the weeds of the terribleness of Chris Cabin’s Man of Steel review for Slant. I mean, people are wrong on the Internet all the time. Why focus on this particular bit of ignorance?

But then I read it again and…wow. Just. Wow. Let’s start of with the first line:

The aesthetic naturalism of Zack Snyder's Man of Steel is an obvious homage to Christopher Nolan's Bat trilogy, clearly opting for grimness over playfulness.

Is it really homage when the director being paid tribute to is a producer on the film and actively influenced its production? Was Goonies homage to Steven Spielberg? Or was it Spielbergian because Spielberg wrote the story and served as an executive producer?

The sense of undiluted reality given to scenes depicting Clark Kent (Henry Cavill) hitchhiking across America, taking a host of odd jobs along the way, is meant to add a sense of grounding to the wildly imaginative universe of Jerry Siegel and Josh [sic] Shuster's comic-book hero.

I assume he meant the universe of Jerry Siegel and JOE Shuster. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this, except for the fact that Cabin seems to be implying that this "Josh Shuster" fella created a blindingly creative universe through which Superman was to roam rather than a dude who basically stopped bank robbers in Metropolis all day long.

It's an incredibly dull tactic that relies on constant exposition to needlessly explain the story's fantastical trajectory and excuse the film's limited visual detail, and though it's certainly not the worst thing about Man of Steel, it nevertheless starts this frustrating reboot off on the wrong foot.

It’s fine to think the above scenes are dull, but there are a pair of simple factual errors in that sentence. First, there is no "constant exposition" during the aforementioned scenes. And second, those scenes don’t start the reboot. No, the reboot starts on the dying planet of Krypton in a hugely and massively imaginative universe. You know, like that one Josh Siegel created, or something.

Those excerpts, btw, comprise the entirety of Cabin’s first paragraph.

Let’s leave all that aside for a moment and get to the real issue. Specifically, Cabin’s issue with America. Some more choice excerpts:

The filmmakers make the hero's struggle less about his inner identity as both an alien and a human and more about identifying as an American or bust. The faux-patriotism isn't played for satire, but instead utilized to align the film with an idyllic, unquestioned vision of goodness. Indeed, Man of Steel is star-spangled to death. …

Man of Steel is meant to condescendingly flatter Snyder and Goyer's imagined audience in suggesting that we have plenty of heroes as it is, and that the son of Jor-El is just another member of Team America.

As a friend wryly noted: "Boy. He really doesn't like America, does he?" As we all know, the only way to address patriotism on film is through the lens of irony and satire. What is this, NAZI GERMANY? Who does Snyder think he is, LENI RIEFENSTAHL?

Tellingly, Cabin praises Bryan Singer’s Superman Returns, a mediocre effort that is best known for bringing the world Superman: Sad Sack. Some will recall a bit of controversy about one of the characters mutilating Superman’s signature line: Big Blue, who once stood for "Truth, Justice, and the American Way," was by 2006 kinda sorta in favor of "Truth, Justice, and all that stuff." Because America is passé, dude.

Indeed, I wish I could’ve been there to see the steam pour from Cabin’s ears when Superman, at the film’s close, said to an Army officer, "I grew up in Kansas, general—I’m about as American as it gets." Oh, for the days of "all that stuff"!

I didn’t make a big deal of the patriotic aspect of the new Superman flick because, frankly, I’m not a huge fan of judging how good art is by how closely it matches my worldview.

I’m glad Cabin took this tack, however. It’s a handy reminder just how much disdain the cool set has for, you know, America.

Published under: Media , Movie Reviews