The Democrats have some pretty sweet jokes planned for next week's Republican National Convention in Cleveland that are sure to help Hillary Clinton defeat Donald Trump, according to a leaked copy of their "Counter Convention Plan Sketch" that was released by The Smoking Gun.
Actually, they only have one good joke planned, which is to hand out tiny foam fingers to highlight Trump's comically stubby fingers—a potentially disqualifying characteristic that still has not been addressed despite some pretty easy fixes suggested by the Washington Free Beacon's Sonny Bunch.
The rest of the planned gimmicks for the week, on which the cash-strapped party organ plans to spend $15,000, are terrible and a waste of money.
Here are some of the dumbest things the DNC plans to do:
A Bailey's & cereal themed breakfast
The idea to serve Bailey's Irish Cream with cereal pokes fun at RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, who said he was having fun during the Republican primaries and "not pouring Bailey's in my cereal."
I'm sure about six people will understand that joke and only three of them will show up at the event. I'm also sure that nobody will actually put Bailey's in their cereal, because Democrats don't like having fun.
Dog whistles. And real whistles too.
The Democrats often resort to dog whistles, but in Cleveland they are getting real whistles.
The plan is to attach little notes to the whistles that say something like, "come to think about it—Trump isn't subtle about his hate."
A check from "your dad"
This isn't bad—getting a ton of money from your parents is embarrassing.
For example, one of the most important Democrats this cycle is Patrick Murphy, whose dad owns a major Florida construction company that builds Trump hotels and funded his son's entire political career. Daddy Warbucks even bought Patrick a company so that Murphy could pretend he was a small business owner. And Murphy still vacations on his father's yacht.
So I have to agree with the Democrats—"Need more ideas here."
A barf bag, clothespin, and Advil
The Advil, Alka Seltzer, and possibly the barf bag could prove useful to convention-goers hoping to cure hangovers. But the clothespin for people "to hold their nose while voting for Trump" is as dumb as it gets.
It is especially dumb because the Democrats are dealing with the same problem. A bunch of Bernie Sanders supporters are literally saying they will have to hold their nose to vote for Clinton. Even some Clinton voters said they had to hold their nose to vote for her in the primaries, like this guy I talked to in New Hampshire:
57 year old voter just now in Manchester: "I voted for @HillaryClinton but I held my nose"
— Brent Scher (@BrentScher) February 9, 2016
Here are a few more gimmicks that don't make any sense:
I honestly do not understand the bribe packages thing and the Kasich "that's why you leave a little tip" joke will be understood by the one ThinkProgress person who wrote about it.
Bringing in bottles of dirty water from a small town in Ohio might be the Democrats' worst idea, though. First of all, the most lead poisoned cities in the United States are controlled by Democrats. Second, the Clintons had their own water scandal back in Arkansas, where they stood by as major campaign donors poisoned the drinking wells for thousands of people with chicken waste.
Lastly, it is probably going to be scalding hot during the convention. People will be thirsty. And no one will appreciate being handed dirty water as part of a stupid practical joke.
Published under: 2016 Election