Thankfully I don't need to dress up as anything for Halloween because I will be at the World Series watching the Mets tie the series on Saturday night.
It's not that I don't like wearing funny costumes—I love Halloween, and am generally fantastic at it—but the real reason men wear costumes is so they can show up to parties and see hot girls that are wearing very little for the sake of the holiday.
In my opinion, there are two acceptable options this year for adults participating in Halloween: You either go as one of the Washington Free Beacon-crafted Hillary Clinton costumes, or go as "sexy" something.
Here are my nine "sexy" picks this week:
Arizona Cardinals AT Cleveland Browns
PICK: Cardinals -5.5
Honorable mention to these girls, too. Lot of respect for a set of homemade costumes.
Cincinnati Bengals AT Pittsburgh Steelers
PICK: Bengals +1
Tough division match-up for Roethlisberger's first game back on a bum leg, so I like the Bengals to win a close one.
Minnesota Vikings AT Chicago Bears
PICK: Vikings pick'em
The Bears have had a long week to think about the fact that they lost to the Lions. That had to be hard.
New York Giants AT New Orleans Saints
PICK: Saints -3
The Saints have looked better the last two weeks. I always like them at home.
Tennessee Titans AT Houston Texans
PICK: Titans +4
Okay, hear me out here: No, the Titans don't have anything to do with surfing. BUT, you know who does? Kate Bosworth, who played the racist girl in Remember the Titans.
Yes, Blue Crush Kate Bosworth.
Now that I have taken it this far, here is professional surfer Erica Hosseini:
And this is her in a Santa hat:
New York Jets AT Oakland Raiders
PICK: Jets -3
I take the Jets every week, if you haven't noticed.
Seattle Seahawks AT Dallas Cowboys
PICK: Cowboys +6
Matt Cassel didn't look good at all last week, but it still looked like an improvement over Brandon Weeden. Dez Bryant coming back should help him improve even more.
Green Bay Packers AT Denver Broncos
PICK: Packers -3
This is Denver's first legitimately difficult game of the year.
Indianapolis Colts AT Carolina Panthers
PICK: Panthers -7
A lot of turmoil going on with the Colts management. It should get worse after the Panthers destroy them in primetime.
Record Last Week: 6-2
Season Record: 36-25-2
Note: Not sure she wants credit for this, but Stephanie Wang helped out a lot with this post. Elizabeth Harrington also provided sexy costume consulting.