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Mad Max

WFB Ombudsman: Free Beacon Pulls Punches in Blumenthal Coverage

Max Blumenthal / Wikimedia Commons
• November 21, 2013 12:00 pm

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A number of readers have asked me to weigh in on the recent controversy surrounding someone named Max Blumenthal and his book on how the Third Reich conquered Israel. Blumenthal’s name had not crossed my radar until now. I read the Weekly Standard and a few other authoritarian-leaning publications, but that’s as far left as I go.

Nor have I read the Palestinian media since my exfil from Jenin in 2002. I leave that to my research assistant Rusty, who’s been with me since I rescued him from a Hezbollah prison in the Bekaa Valley in ’88. He was high on drugs at the time, became fluent in Arabic, and remembers nothing. I taught him the way of the Biff. Now he’s kickin’ hide down freedom’s trail.

Lifestyle reporter Alana Goodman informs us that Max’s father is Clinton adviser Sidney Blumenthal. Now Sidney’s is a name I’m familiar with. Back in the 1990s, when I was editor and publisher of the political broadsheet "Stars and Bras," we ran a piece on Blumenthal during our series on Vince Foster’s "suicide." Seems like only yesterday.

Goodman’s piece started off strong. Sid Blumenthal, by throwing a book party for his son, would appear to agree with Max that National Socialists have taken over the Jewish State. He hasn’t said anything to suggest otherwise—indeed, he hasn’t given comment on this matter to anyone at all. That’s a scoop. But Goodman inevitably pulled her punches, which is what I’ve come to expect from the RINO careerists at the Washington Free Beacon.

I had Rusty run Max Blumenthal’s name through some databases on a website he made. It wasn’t pretty. Blumenthal used to work for a publication called—I am not making this up—"Al Akhbar." He later quit the newspaper because it was too closely aligned with the Syrian government as it was fighting al Qaeda. These are the facts.

Goodman, however, didn’t mention this in her article. Nor was it mentioned in the puff piece BuzzFeed ran after Goodman’s scoop, which probably was edited by Free Beacon alumnus Katherine Miller.

I typically go to BuzzFeed for news about One Direction, but can I just mention here that that website is disgusting. They run articles that they call—well, I can’t even say what they call these articles. But the first half of the word is "list" and the second half rhymes with the scientific term for Rocky Mountain Oysters. Which are delicious, by the way.

Rusty knows Mohammedans better than anyone I’ve met outside of the Shin Bet. He tells me a lot of people are thrown off by the name "Blumenthal." He’s got a point. I hear it and the last thing I think of is "Al Akhbar," if you catch my drift.

But I am not a journalist. I am an ombudsman. Maybe someone at the Free Beacon could investigate these Blumenthals a little more deeply. After all, the father was a top adviser to our first Muslim president, William Jefferson al-Clinton. I can’t help thinking of what my buddy Robert Spencer calls "Taqiyya." Louie Gohmert, we need you. Now.

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When should Congress defund Obamacare?

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Biff Diddle is the Washington Free Beacon ombudsman. His full bio can be read here.

Published under: Humor, Parody