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Kate Upton in Winter

Sports Illustrated
March 3, 2014

When people say Washington is childish, I like to direct them to Google on the Sunday afternoon before Monday morning snow, when the search engine shows most people are asking, "Is the federal government open tomorrow?" When civic leaders are trolling weather reports more than their kids, our nation is all kinds of screwed.

It's time we toughen up. Time we learn from those who are unafraid of the ice, the snow, the cold. Time we turn to Kate Upton.

Sports Illustrated
Sports Illustrated

We can learn how to beat back the deep freeze from red-blooded American Kate Upton, who was the first ever Sports Illustrated swimsmoke to model in Antarctica.

Sports Illustrated
Sports Illustrated

Kate ventured to the frozen continent, undeterred by the sub-zero temperatures. Meanwhile, softie-cone D.C. is holed up watching a "Star Wars" marathon, enjoying snow day drink specials.

Sports Illustrated
Sports Illustrated

Because if there's anything Washington is good at, it's selling booze in the middle of a fabricated crisis.

Sports Illustrated
Sports Illustrated

Assemble together in line like the penguins we are, Washington. And file behind our penguin queen.

Sports Illustrated
Sports Illustrated

If we are to confront the Russians, we must first confront the cold.

Learn from Kate. Study her closely.

Published under: Kate Upton , Smokes