John Edwards, the disgraced former Democratic Senator from North Carolina and 2008 presidential contender, celebrated his 66th birthday on Monday.
Happy Birthday, John! There's plenty to be said about all the bad times, like when you cheated on your cancer-stricken wife and fathered a love child with a video producer whose wealthy father was implicated in a horse murder scandal, or the time you were spotted "uncomfortably dancing" to the 1992 rap hit "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-n-Effect at a Durham bar, surrounded by grad students.
But let's not focus on any of that. You're past retirement age by now, so it's time to eat some cake with your bare hands while looking back on all the good times, and especially those heady days out on the campaign trail 2008.
You wore the hell out of some jeans, didn't you?
You sweated through shirts and feasted on fried delicacies
Your supporters shouted all of your dumb slogans
Your hair looked great, even in this mug shot
Your politician's face/thumb game was unmatched
Remember your hot and heavy bromance with Barack Obama?
And all you times you laughed together while Hillary looked on awkwardly?
You even got a little jealous when he ignored you
Those were good times, weren't they?
They really were. Happy Birthday, bro. Sorry you didn't get to be in Obama's cabinet. And sorry things with Rielle Hunter didn't work out. But I hear the Durham bar scene is really great these days.