Guy Ritchie Films, Ranked

New Substandard!

May 18, 2017

In the latest Substandard, Vic, JVL, and I lamented the passing of Powers Boothe (a longer remembrance here, if you're interested) and discussed the latest film from Guy Ritchie, Chav King ArthurIn an effort to troll me, JVL claimed to like it, going so far as to say it's the third-best Guy Ritchie film.

This is codswallop, as the kids* say. Codswallop! Chav King Arthur is trash and everyone knows it. Indeed, it is right near the bottom of any proper appreciation of Guy Ritchie's films. Which, after the podcast, we shall rank.

Not Ranked Because Not Seen: Swept Away. Seriously, did anyone see that?**

8. Revolver

This is a movie that literally closes with psychiatrists sitting in front of the camera and explaining what the "ego" is in order to help you make sense of the what you've just watched. It's fascinatingly terrible. Avoid at all costs.

7. Chav King Arthur

I mean, c'mon.

6. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

I am 80 percent sure I saw this movie but I cannot remember a single thing about it.

5. Sherlock Holmes

Not the best movie—or, even, like, the fifth-best iteration of Sherlock Holmes in recent years—but it gets by on Robert Downey Jr.'s charm.

4. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

I think I would like this movie more if it weren't for the color palette, which I recall being roughly the same shade of brown above throughout. (Obviously, not the same exact shade, but there's a weird dirtiness to the to the film that I've just never cared for.)

3. The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

Possibly a beneficiary of recency bias effect, given that I just watched it this weekend to see if it was as bad as Chav King Arthur (spoiler alert: it's literally one trillion times better). I love the way that Ritchie plays with splitscreens and I think the light, jazzy editing works so much better than it does in CKA. My one problem with the film is that I think the casting of the Russian and American spies was backwards? Like, Henry Cavill should've been the dour Russian and Armie Hammer the charming American conman/art thief/spy? I dunno, it just didn't feel quite right while watching it.

2. Rocknrolla

(I don't actually remember this shot from the film but it came up when I was searching for Rocknrolla gifs and now it is my favorite gif of all time.)

Tom Hardy. Idris Elba. Gerard Butler. Dynamite cast. Fun movie. Sadly underseen. Where's that sequel you promised us, Guy? Quit making shite tentpoles and get back to thing you're good at. Speaking of which...

1. Snatch

The fact that Brad Pitt didn't win an Oscar for his turn as the pikey bareknuckle boxer in Snatch is proof that the Oscars are worthless garbage. Pass it on.

*who were born in 1872