Five Cinematic Crimes Affleck Must Answer For

• March 14, 2013 3:48 pm


Apparently, the Iranians want to execute Oscar-winning star and director Ben Affleck for Argo. To which I reply: Hey, it wasn't that bad!

Hey, oh, tough crowd. In the spirit of joking, here are five cinematic tragedies it would be more appropriate to hold against Ben Affleck!

Pearl Harbor: Because you made the Pearl Harbor sneak attack boring! How? Why? Don't you go around blaming Michael Bay, either. He'll sick his tiger (or Shia LaBeouf!) on you.

ABC Afterschool Specials: Because steroids are bad, mmkay?

Phantoms: Despite what you may or may not have heard, Ben Affleck was NOT the bomb in Phantoms, yo.

Gigli: Too easy.

Surviving Christmas: During his acceptance speech at the Oscars, Affleck whinged about all the hard times he's had to suffer through. I assume he was referring to the time someone made him watch this cinematic abortion.

Daredevil: I almost bought him as a blind man with a stupid look on his face all the time. Wasn't much of a stretch.

Published under: Humor, Iran, Movie Reviews