A Washington Free Beacon source has obtained an exclusive photo of a mustachioed gentleman believed to be Biff Diddle, our beloved ombudsman who remains at large.
The photo, which was reportedly taken sometime in the last several days, appears to show Diddle seated aboard an airplane—in coach, we presume, because he refuses to associate with the coastal elites in First Class.
Where Diddle may have been flying to is unclear, but there is some evidence that suggests he is headed to eastern Ukraine, where ousted president Victor Yanukovich is believed to be in hiding. Diddle tweeted the following late Monday:
Yanukovich already bought hisself a one-way ticket on a train to hell. I just gonna see to it he catch that train. Biff out.
— Biff Diddle (@BiffDiddle) February 25, 2014
A recent report commissioned by the neocon high council found evidence that Diddle may have taken part in the EuroMaiden protests in Kiev:
Please keep Diddle in your prayers, and send any tips regarding his whereabouts to [REDACTED]@freebeacon.com.