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The Shadow of the Glass Tower: How Sauron Became the 2016 GOP Nominee

What appears below are fragments from the chronicles of Temthwa of Rawleth, a son of the Line of Stewards of the end of the Fourth Age.

Fragment the first

Mt. Doom Escalator

… From the fires beneath the Glass Tower there arose a hideous shadow, arrayed in armor of ebony. Upon its head was a monstrous crown. And those that beheld it did bow and give it worship. For the councils of the Wise had failed and the Dark Lord was risen. …

Fragment the second

APTOPIX GOP 2016 Debate

… And in the hall were arrayed many banners of the armies of men, such as had not been met under one hearth since the Elder Days. There was Jeb, son of George, son of Prescott; and Scott, Llewellyn’s son, of the far Middle West; and Rafael III, a clever Man of the Hills; and John the Messenger’s Boy; and Randall the Magician; and Marco, an inn-keep’s lad of the South; and divers others.

And in the midst of them was the Lord of the Glass Tower, who mocked and jeered and neither broke bread nor took wine. Yet of the hall he would not take his leave, nor would any stand to force his departure. …

Fragment the third

Lincoln Chafee (1)

… There was also an elf clad in gay raiment. ‘I have never had a scandal!’ he cried, and in his fair face there was a look of great sorrow. And when he saw the Witch his mien became grim and he drew his great bow of yew. …

Fragment the fourth

Sauron Rally

… And the Lord of the Crystal Tower cursed the halfling race, and the host arrayed before him gnashed their teeth. ‘No more shall the halfling wander freely in the realms of men,’ said he. ‘Rather shall he lie hid behind a wall of stone and iron. And with pike and ax and mace shall ye keep him from your dominions.’ …

Fragment the fifth

Sauron Wall

… Then there appeared before them a wall, vast and of black stone, arrayed with cruel stakes of iron. And without were the halflings, who alone cursed the Lord's name. …

Fragment the sixth

Sauron's Spokesperson

… At the gate they were met with a tall and sinister shape. The Lieutenant of the Glass Tower was she; and of her but few tales are told. It is said that in the Elder Days she had been a lieutenant of the Men of the Hills, but she had entered the service of the Glass Tower; and for her cunning she grew ever higher in the Lord's favour.

‘It needs more to make a GOP presidential frontrunner than a Heritage Foundation policy paper,’ she mocked. ‘Why, any Tea Party Express has-been can show as good a following!’ …

Fragment the seventh

Donald Trump, Chris Christie

… For the Lord knew that the wills of mortal men were weak and their hearts proud. He whispered in their ears and made unto them promises according to their desires; and one by one each succumbed to his flattery. It was Chris of Trenton who fell first, having gorged himself on mead and mutton, and entered a mysterious trance. …

Fragment the eighth

Trump's Supreme Court

… Wisdom and good counsel did he promise, and from a scroll he read the names of his servants. And his words were taken as good tidings by the Wise in their councils, who beheld not the foul shapes of the Lord's stewards, nor did they descry the hideousness of his designs, but said, 'Yea, we knoweth not what Sauron might do, but we knoweth very much what Galadriel the witch would do, and so we putteth our lot in with the dark lord, in the hopes that he might pick fair judges for the Court.' …

Fragment the ninth

Paul Manafort Joins the Trump Campaign (2)

… And the White Wizard, who had studied the designs of the Enemy, had dwelt for many years as a guest among the sons of men and given them succor, and had once worked for King Gerry of Michigan—he coveted the fearsome baubles of the Lord, who ensnared him, giving him gems and rings of lesser power. Thus was birthed another of the Crystal Tower's fearsome servants. …

Fragment the tenth

… And the fairest son of the House of Stewards ceased to speak, for his courage failed him. He shrank from the battle, and with sorrow in his heart he pledged himself to the Lord of the Crystal Tower, as he said, 'The people have spoken. The party must unite behind its nominee, the entity formerly known as Maiar of Aulë.' …

Fragment the eleventh

Donald Trump Sr. and Melania Trump Wedding, Self Assignment, January 22, 2005

… But there was another power in the kingdom. And as the alliance of men failed, the Witch, who in latter times had with her consort paid homage to the Lord of the Crystal Tower, exulted. Her power waxed, and the sons of men wept and forgot the love of their hearts and in the terror of the night became her servants, as forces gathered at the Black Gate. …