Score Your Kate Upton Swag On The Internet

Etsy

Kate Upton puts money in everyone’s pockets. She’s makes money for herself, she sells magazines, clothes, and she helps pay my rent. Many thanks to Sports Illustrated yesterday for flagging how she’s making money for lone Internet entrepreneurs.

People are slapping Kate’s visage on t-shirts and selling them on Ebay and Etsy. The market gives what the market demands. How perfectly American.

Kate Upton’s Old Mexican Vacation

Not Express but she sold magazines/rricheung Instagram

The trick about the “the super smoke sports curse” is that it’s not really a curse. While Tom Brady hasn’t been able to cash in the two Super Bowls he’s played in since marrying Gisele Bündchen, he still gets to go home as Tom Brady.

Justin Verlander may have missed his first All-Star Game since 2009, but he didn’t stay in Detroit to wallow in self-pity or lock himself in the gym. Like any dude with a couple days off from work, he hightailed it to the beach over the All-Star break with his girlfriend.

Kate Upton Can Save Express

Not Express but she sold magazines/rricheung Instagram

Businesses failing to adapt to changing markets are as American as apple pie and college football. But I’m optimistic about clothes and apparel vendor Express’ future, as they have phoned in America’s premier turnaround smoke: Kate Upton.

Independence Day Patriotic Bikinis 2014 Edition

Because 'Merica/rsvlts.com

This year’s World Cup has inspired a display of national unity and pride. The enthusiasm is especially notable because 99 percent of us returned to not caring about soccer as soon as America was defeated by Belgium on Tuesday.

While the World Cup is once every four years, American pride is forever. Whether Old Glory is playing soccer or not, millions of Americans do their part to inspire pride by honoring our colors with patriotic bikinis.

NBC Hiring Pippa Middleton Would Be a Blow for Gender Equality

AP

News broke late last night that NBC—which controversially paid noted non-journalist-with-a-famous-relative Chelsea Clinton $600,000 per year to interview the GEICO Gecko—was considering hiring Pippa Middleton—the sister of the gal who married the guy who might one day be King of England—to join the NBC news team.

Some were annoyed by the announcement. The Washington Post‘s Alyssa Rosenberg,* for instance, was particularly nonplussed:

Please, NBC. For the love of all that is dignified, stop hiring women who are related to somewhat-more-famous people. Stop it immediately.

I couldn’t help but worry that this would get Alyssa in dutch with Amy Weiss-Meyer, who, two weeks ago, authored a piece for the New Republic headlined “Chelsea Clinton Made $600,000 a Year at NBC. That Upset a Lot of Male Journalists.” The thrust of Weiss-Meyer’s argument? Clinton’s wholly unjustified and unearned position and salary were striking a blow against sexism!

No, seriously. Here’s Weiss-Meyer:

Only Kate Upton Could Get Me To Listen To Country

The most interesting woman in the world

Country music is bearable only 1) when you’re blasted in the Jiffy Lube Live parking lot wallowing in a kiddie pool full of sangria or 2) used in the background of the fantastic reality show “Party Down South.” If there isn’t any honkytonk badonkadonk jumping on the hood of daddy’s tractor, get on out. “Bro-country” 4 lyfe.

There is only one person in the land who could get me to listen to country music.

Happy Belated 22nd Birthday, Kate Upton!

Happy Happy, Kate!

Imagine my surprise when my boss ordered me to be an actual journalist yesterday. For obvious reasons, I couldn’t say no—despite the significance of the date. Yesterday just so happened to be the second-most important day of the year (next to the college football season kickoff).

Because yesterday was Katherine Elizabeth Upton’s 22nd birthday.

But you know what they say: Good things come to those who wait.