The year 1964 is etched in the history books for such monumental achievements as the Civil Rights Act, the Ford Mustang, and Buffalo wings. But let us not forget the golden anniversary of the Sports Illustrated swimsmoke issue.
The Travel Channel’s much-appreciated “Behind the Scenes” look at the making of the issue documented SI’s big 5-0 with the theme of “From Sand to Space.” Weirdly, that is also a summary of the plot of “The Phantom Menace,” a film that could’ve used some body paint. My bet for the swimsmoke most likely to fall to the Dark Side: Bregje Heinen, for refusing to sing “Happy Birthday.”
Sports Illustrated swimsmokes are like snow flakes: each is unique.
That being said, anyone can see the similarities between Kate Upton and her swimsmoke sister Genevieve Morton. Kate and Genevieve may hail from different nations—although Kate’s home state of Florida often counts as a separate planet—but the similarities between the young swimsmokes run more than just skin deep.
A quote from Kate Upton over the weekend sounded a CODE RED across the blogosphere:
America reacquired one of her most treasured assets this week when Kate Upton returned from her international media blitz promoting “The Other Woman.” While the movie isn’t due at your local Cineplex for another two weeks, Kate has stayed on the promotional trail by appearing on Jimmy Kimmel last night, this time on her own terms.
For many 21-year-old neophyte actresses, international press tours are the first chance for them to venture outside the country. But, as we all know, Kate is not your typical rookie starlet. Back in her teens—which were only two years ago—Kate was on her catalog modeling grind, jetting back and forth to Germany twice a month. Her hustle was so hard, she’d fall asleep in the lobbies of her hotels.
They weren’t kidding when they claimed everyday is a holiday these days. April 8th is the date the White House circled on the calendar to wash away the happy afterglow of the NCAA men’s hoops championship and anticipation of the Masters with the crusade that women aren’t paid as much as men because Republicans. Dems are even trying to ruin Mad Men. Couldn’t Obama just have had #EqualPayDay fall on “Talk Like a Pirate Day” so we at least we can laugh at Dick Durbin clowning himself with his best Captain Jack Sparrow impression whaling against Republicans when he himself pays women like dirt?
“Avast me mateys, I am full of crap!”
When news broke last summer that Kate Upton was smooching Jaime Lannister on the set of “The Other Woman,” I wrote it off as nothing more than a minor cameo. A brief role in a motion picture would be but a quick detour on Kate’s meteoric ascendance in the modeling universe. Kate was coming off of back-to-back SI Swimsmoke covers, and her name would add just enough juice to con youngsters to drop $12.50 for a crappy rom-com.
While the North American release is two weeks away, Kate is making the international press rounds. Unsurprisingly, she has dazzled the foreign media with her Hollywood glamour and sunny disposition. A recent interview with the Australian Sydney Morning Herald left me with a foreboding sense of awfulness to come.
Golf Digest selected the fabulous Paulina Gretzky, posing in a sports bra and a putter, to grace their cover in an effort to entice fans of golf and blondes to grab a copy and bettter learn how stroke their 3 wood.
Two greatest words in the English language.
Cube that and you get:
What’s better than one Kate Upton? I sure as hell don’t know or care.
Famed fashion photographer Peter Lindbergh spoiled the party last fall when he deemed the heyday of supermodels over. According to Lindbergh, the industry has become too stale and over-saturated:
There’s three types of people I try not to trifle with. The police are self-explanatory. The Mexican cartel as their brand punishment is influenced with a certain macabre poetry.
The third would be SI’s lawyers. Because if they’re gonna do it then, they’re gonna do it big then.