Ranking the Oscar Best Picture Flicks by Their Political Correctness

Anne Hathaway Oscars

America's Sweetheart at 2013's Oscars (AP)

News comes today that Harvey Weinstein is finally playing the rainbow card in this year's Oscar race. Here's the Hollywood Reporter:

But on Jan. 19, appearing on CBS This Morning, Harvey Weinstein introduced a new tactic, arguing that though Turing received a royal pardon in 2013 for his 1952 conviction for gross indecency because of his homosexuality, he deserves to be honored by the British government. He added the government also should pardon the thousands of British citizens convicted under laws forbidding homosexuality, which wasn't decriminalized in the U.K. until 1967. Weinstein, who was named a Commander of the Order of the British Empire in 2004, said he "was willing to give up my own CBE" to make that happen.

Two days later at a screening for BAFTA members in London, actor Stephen Fry joined the campaign to use The Imitation Game to promote honors for Turing and win pardons for others, saying, "There is a general feeling that perhaps if he should be pardoned, then perhaps so should all those men whose names were ruined in their lifetime." And the following day, the Washington-based Human Rights Campaign, which lobbies on behalf of LGBT issues, added its voice. HRC, which had already announced that it would honor The Imitation Game at a Jan. 31 gala dinner in New York, took out full-page ads in The New York Times and Los Angeles Times signed by HRC president Chad Griffin. The ads noted that 49,000 gay men and women were persecuted in England under the same laws that forced Turing to submit to chemical castration or face jail, and the ads exhorted readers to "Honor this movie. Honor this man. And honor the movement to bring justice to the other 49,000." The message to the Academy was clear: If you support gay rights, then vote for The Imitation Game for best picture.

The whole piece is a reminder that the Oscars are stupid and not to be taken seriously as a measure of artistic quality. But it does raise an interesting question: If we were deciding the Oscars based on nothing more than political correctness—which movie best scales the pyramid of grievances, if you will—then who would win? Let's rank 'em and find out!

8. Whiplash

Whiplash

Whiplash

This is a movie about white people appropriating black culture (jazz) and acting as if they invented the form. Incredibly homophobic. Extremely problematic.

7. American Sniper

A movie about a U.S. soldier who spends all of his time murdering oppressed people he calls savages? The only reason it's not last on this list is that it shows vets to be damaged and in need of saving from duplicitous neocons who trick them into waging wars for oil and/or Jews. Extremely problematic.

6. Grand Budapest Hotel

Grand Budapest Hotel

AP

A movie about a minority refugee told through the lens of a straight white male? Jesus. Problematic.

5. Boyhood

Boyhood

On the one hand, the characters in this film all have the right politics (anti-Bush, pro-Obama). On the other, the most pro-Obama person is a shiftless deadbeat dad. Interesting portrayal of single motherhood. Extremely white. Flirted with a non-heteronormative lead, but played it safe by showing the titular boy in bed with a girl at the end of the film. Half-a-problematic.

4. Birdman

Birdman or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance

Birdman or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance

Directed by a hispanic man. Zero problematics.

3. Theory of Everything

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Bravely portrays the struggles of the differently abled, though a bit cisnorm for my tastes. Zero problematics.

2. The Imitation Game

imitationgame

As Harvey Weinstein says, if the Academy doesn't hate gay people they'll vote for The Imitation Game. Negative two problematics.

1. Selma

Obvs. Negative five problematics. Do the right thing, Hollywood!