The First Week of 2016 Was a Complete Sh*tshow, Explained

A cup of kindness, yet.

A cup of kindness, yet.

Welcome to 2016. The world is on fire, the stock market is plummeting, and Donald Trump is already pivoting to the general election. Here’s a quick rundown of the first week of President Obama’s final full year in office.

New Years Eve

  • Gangs of young men described as having a “North African or Arabic” appearance grope and rob dozens of young women on the streets of Cologne, Germany, heightening tensions over the country’s immigration policies.

January 1

  • Happy New Year!

January 2

  • Saudi Arabia executes a prominent Shiite cleric, sparking violent protests at the Saudi embassy in Iran and fueling fears of increased sectarian conflict in the region. Kuwait, Qatar, Bahrain, and Sudan joined Saudi Arabia in severing diplomatic ties with Tehran.

January 3

  • Armed anti-government activists storm a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon to protest federal land policy, vowing to occupy the property for years and prompting a standoff that remains ongoing.

January 4

  • Trading is halted in China as stock fall nearly 7 percent, sparking fears of an economic slowdown.
  • Dow closes down more than 250 points.

January 5

  • Green Beret Staff Sgt. Matthew McClintock, 30, is killed in Afghanistan in a firefight with Taliban forces.
  • Donald Trump goes full birther against Ted Cruz, and dominates the first national poll of the year, leading his next closest competitor by 17 points.

January 6

  • North Korea successfully tests what it claims to be a hydrogen bomb.
  • Juanita Broaddrick reiterates her claim that she was raped by Bill Clinton.
  • Joe Biden says he regrets not running for president.
  • Captured footage of an Islamic State weapons lab in Raqqa, Syria shows the terrorist group experimenting with surface-to-air missiles and remote control car bombs.
  • Another story about the State Department’s efforts to stonewall investigations into Hillary Clinton’s emails is published.
  • A Portland Hippie announces plans for a “peace concert” in ISIS-controlled Syria.

January 7

  • Dow opens down more than 300 points.
  • Paris police shoot dead a knife-wielding maniac shouting “Allah Akbar” and carrying an Islamic State pamphlet on the one-year anniversary of the deadly Charlie Hebdo attacks.
  • TIME Magazine unveils the cover of its latest issue: