You All Need to Get Over Jimmy Fallon Tousling Donald Trump’s Hair That One Time

“I was just trying to have fun.” Remember these words. They’re part of the dramatic centerpiece of New York Times television writer Dave Itzkoff’s May 17 feature on Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon. They are Fallon’s explanation for his unforgivable sin of—what? A DUI? A hit-and-run? An extramarital affair? Worse. He tousled Donald Trump’s hair. Eight months ago. For …

Best Burger Chain? Five Guys, Obviously

In the latest Harris Poll EquiTrend rankings, Five Guys triumphed over the forces of evil and displaced In-N-Out at the top of the burger chain rankings.

SHE SHALL PERSIST: Here’s How Hillary Clinton Will Become President In 2017

Hillary Clinton

Donald Trump’s impeachment is imminent, and the majority of his cabinet is implicated in his treason. Hillary Clinton was supposed to be our president in 2017. It was her turn. She won the popular vote, but lost the rigged election because of Russia. Fortunately, there’s a good chance that Hillary will be sworn in as president before …

TRIGGER WARNING: Trump’s ‘Witch Hunt’ Claim Offends Accused Witches

More than a dozen women and men accused of witchcraft in this sleepy New England village are criticizing President Donald Trump for saying the current investigation of possible ties between his campaign and the Russian government is “the greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!”

Guy Ritchie Films, Ranked

In the latest Substandard, Vic, JVL, and I lamented the passing of Powers Boothe (a longer remembrance here, if you’re interested) and discussed the latest film from Guy Ritchie, Chav King ArthurIn an effort to troll me, JVL claimed to like it, going so far as to say it’s the third-best Guy Ritchie film.

This is codswallop, as the kids* say. Codswallop! Chav King Arthur is trash and everyone knows it. Indeed, it is right near the bottom of any proper appreciation of Guy Ritchie’s films. Which, after the podcast, we shall rank.

Trump vs. Media: Release the Memcon

This picture taken in March 1997 shows U.S. President Bill Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin shaking hands at the Presidential Palace

The media feeding frenzy triggered by a sensational Washington Post story alleging President Trump leaked classified information to the Russians ended abruptly today—like biting into a popcorn kernel and breaking a molar.

Powers Boothe, 1948-2017

News broke* last night that Powers Boothe died at the age of 68, and there was much sadness. Few played a steely eyed, gravelly voiced badass with the joie de vivre of Mr. Boothe.