Vin Diesel Gets No Respect

Give Vin a chance

Give Vin a chance

It’s hard out there being Vin Diesel. Prestige lead roles and industry respect go to girly men like Leonardo DiCaprio. Meanwhile Vin is relegated to co-starring in a six-going-on-seven-with-no-signs-of-slowing-down franchise that’s grossed billions of dollars and has consumed who knows how much human growth hormone on set. What’s a serious actor such as Vin Diesel to do?

Vin vents his frustrations to Men’s Fitness:

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That Episode of Mad Men Was … Interesting

Don Draper

I’m less concerned by the events of last night’s Mad Men—which was an incoherent mess that taught us nothing new about any of the characters (“Don Draper’s childhood was awful! The 60s were weird! Stan has a crush on Peggy! Black people are scary!*”) while laying on the symbolism so thick that it swiftly metastasized into SYMBOLISM!—than the reactions to last night’s Mad Men. It was a prime example of “interesting” television.

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Ryan Lochte’s Hero Journey

Carmen Electra's Facebook

Carmen Electra's Facebook

Joseph Campbell’s monomyth has the following structure: a reluctant hero sets out on a fantastic journey where he endures trials and tribulations in order to claim victory over a malevolent foe. “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” is the E Network’s very own monomyth.

In this week’s journey from Gainesville to Los Angeles, our hero faced his first existential crisis. Does Ryan answer the beckoning call of a post-swimming career designing neon pink New Balances in the City of Angels? Or does he remain Lord of Gainesville, spending his golden years zip-lining with the ”Lochterage” and sampling every type of sushi at Dragonfly with UF undergrads? Ryan credits his coaches and photographers for his aptitude in the pool and at photo shoots. But, to Ryan’s dismay, there is no life coach on the Lochterage payroll. Where does our hero belong on this big, beautiful, blue Earth?

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The Apotheosis of Kanye West

Yeezus Has Arrived

Yeezus Has Arrived

Rakim, Nas, and Jay-Z have all at some point dubbed themselves “Hip-Hop’s God.” Based on this past weekend, it won’t be long before Kanye West joins their ranks.

Kanye has used biblical imagery throughout his career, but not until his G.O.O.D. Friday series did the Chi-town rapper make any overt claims to being seated at the right hand of you-know-who. Mark May 18, 2013, as the day Kanye began his apotheosis. With a cryptic tweet, Kanye spoke to his followers from on high:

The visage of a new Kanye could be witnessed upon 66 spires in two continents.

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You’re Often Wrong. Deal with It.

He knows more than you do. Let him help!

He knows more than you do. Let him help!

The Internet has had a good bit of fun with the husband and wife who own Amy’s Baking Company, a restaurant in Arizona. To recap: After a disastrous appearance on Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, the proprietors took to social media to defend themselves and their business.

It did not go well.

I don’t really feel the need to pile on in that regard; the link above will give you a good sense on just how poorly they handled the situation. I do think it’s worth taking a moment to move beyond the snickering and consider what prompted the meltdown in the first place in order to see what we, the humble viewer, can learn.

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Johnny Football’s Legend Strengthens in Petco Park

AP

AP

Johnny Manziel’s offseason has been epic.

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Heroine Defends Friend Engaged in Legendary Catfight

Untitled58

In the seminal film The Dark Knight, Commissioner Gordon mused that Batman was the hero Gotham deserves. Last weekend, a similarly virtuous citizen-vigilante emerged to defend the honor of her wronged friend.

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Griner Skyhooks Into the WNBA

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Brittney Griner

The hullabaloo over whether Brittney Griner might be drafted into the NBA died down after the decorated collegian joined the women’s league.

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Star Trek Into Darkness Is Pro-Drone Strike

Benedict Cumberbatch

Benedict Cumberbatch

In my review of Star Trek Into Darkness, I wrote that “There’s an ill-advised and entirely unresolved subplot that involves war with the Klingons, worry about blowback from what amounts to a drone strike, and the militarization of Starfleet.” I’d like to modify this criticism just a bit in a spoiler-heavy post after the jump. But the thrust is this: Star Trek Into Darkness is actually a crypto-neocon defense of the necessity and morality of drone strikes. (Don’t worry, nerds: While there are heavy spoilers I won’t reveal the name of the villain since that’s all we you seem to care about.)

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