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Trump Launches New Offensive in War for Human Supremacy

New regulatory guidelines seek to end coddling of "threatened" species

One of the many historic successes of Donald Trump's presidency is the impressive degree to which he has advanced the cause of human dominion over the animal kingdom. Since Trump took office, mankind has enjoyed unprecedented species dominance both in the United States and around the world. The nerds at the United Nations even published a report warning that up to a million plant and animal species were at risk of going extinct in the coming decades.

American Greatness Achieved: Donald Trump Hits the Links with John Daly

Golf legend raves: "One of the greatest days of my life"

Two of America's most legendary sports icons hit the links on Monday for an epic and quintessentially AMERICAN round of golf at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey. John Daly, whose storied career includes two major championships, wore his patriotism around his waste as he teed it up with President Donald Trump.

ANALYSIS: Pete Buttigieg Unusually Popular Among Iowa Voters Who Put Corn Kernels Into Jars

"Boatshoes" Buttigieg is somewhere between two and four times as popular as Obamacare among Iowa voters

Pete Buttigieg, mayor of the fourth-largest city in Indiana, is the preferred Democratic presidential candidate among a certain segment of the voting public. Namely: White, overeducated, urban-dwelling east coast liberals who wear boats shoes on catamarans while vacationing in Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard, and Cap Cod. Also: white grad students who learned how to play the didgeridoo before it was fashionable to feel ashamed about "cultural appropriation." Buttigieg is also performing well, as it turns out, with Iowa State Fair attendees who put kernels of corn into jars.

2020 Dems’ Latest Attack on Obama: His DOJ Bungled the Michael Brown ‘Murder’ Investigation

Warren, Harris stand with activists against Obama officials

Democratic presidential candidates continue to throw shade on the legacy of former President Barack Obama. They rarely criticize him by name, but many of the 2020 hopefuls have implicitly attacked Obama's record on health care, immigration, and climate change, among other issues. The latest example of implied criticism focuses on the Obama administration's investigation into the controversial police-involved shooting death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Mo., in 2014. Sens. Elizabeth Warren (D., Mass) and Kamala Harris (D., Calif.) marked the five-year anniversary of Brown's death on Twitter by asserting that he was "murdered."

ANALYSIS: CNN Has a White Supremacy Problem

Network leases NYC office space from billionaire Trump donor

The libs are up in arms again after learning that billionaire Stephen Ross, owner of the élite fitness institutions Equinox and SoulCycle, is hosting a fundraiser this week for President Donald Trump. Doing what comes naturally, the aggrieved libs demanded a boycott Ross’s companies. Anything less would amount to a tacit endorsement of white supremacy — and, as far as the most aggrieved of the libs are concerned, of the actual murder of innocents at the hands of a racist lunatic in El Paso.

Liberals to Boycott Godfather of Soul(Cycle)

Billionaire who persuaded rich liberals to pay him for riding bicycles to nowhere is raising money for Donald Trump in the Hamptons

Stephen Ross, the billionaire developer whose assets SoulCycle, a conspiracy to defraud rich liberals by persuading them to fork over large sums of money for the privilege of being yelled at while riding stationary bicycles and listening to aggro electronica, is hosting a high-dollar fundraiser for President Donald Trump at his estate in the Hamptons.