Best Burger Chain? Five Guys, Obviously

In the latest Harris Poll EquiTrend rankings, Five Guys triumphed over the forces of evil and displaced In-N-Out at the top of the burger chain rankings.

‘Alien: Covenant’ Review

Alien: Covenant

Alien: Covenant is a film that’s asking the big questions, the life-altering musings that only the greatest masters of cinema would attempt to tackle. Questions that have reverberated throughout the ages. Questions like: Where do we come from? Why are we here? Where are we going? Why did the people making Prometheus hire Guy Pearce—in his mid-forties when the film was released—to play the wizened, ancient, age-spot-covered Peter Weyland?

Guy Ritchie Films, Ranked

In the latest Substandard, Vic, JVL, and I lamented the passing of Powers Boothe (a longer remembrance here, if you’re interested) and discussed the latest film from Guy Ritchie, Chav King ArthurIn an effort to troll me, JVL claimed to like it, going so far as to say it’s the third-best Guy Ritchie film.

This is codswallop, as the kids* say. Codswallop! Chav King Arthur is trash and everyone knows it. Indeed, it is right near the bottom of any proper appreciation of Guy Ritchie’s films. Which, after the podcast, we shall rank.

Powers Boothe, 1948-2017

News broke* last night that Powers Boothe died at the age of 68, and there was much sadness. Few played a steely eyed, gravelly voiced badass with the joie de vivre of Mr. Boothe.

‘King Arthur: Legend of the Sword’ Review

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

I was unfortunately unable to attend the meeting where Guy Ritchie’s latest movie, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, was greenlit, but I like to imagine the elevator pitch went something like this: “What if King Arthur was kind of a dbag and had friends with names like Kung Fu George?”

Selling Out Is Awesome

In the latest episode of The Substandard, JVL, Vic, and I discuss the new Guardians of the Galaxy flick and rank pizzas, among other things. It’s a pretty amazing episode, you should probably subscribe and/or rate the show after listening. I don’t want to talk about any of that, though. What I want to talk about is the pleasure of, finally, selling the f—k out.

You Learn Something New Every Day

A rather silly piece about the state of “prestige TV”—whatever that term even means—made the rounds yesterday on the twitters. It’s one of these odd bits of criticism that poses as bold iconoclasm but actually restates a lot of what has already been said elsewhere. Just as a for-instance, this paragraph made me scratch my head: