Who? As some of you may vaguely recall, Governor Tim Walz of Minnesota was the Democratic Party's vice presidential nominee in 2024. We can only assume that Kamala Harris chose him because he was the only politician in the country who made her seem competent and charismatic by comparison. Walz would go on to experience what was undoubtedly the clumsiest rise and fall in the history of American politics. He singlehandedly ensured, by way of his repellent personality, addiction to lying, and ludicrous "masculine" affectations, that millions of voters will never support another Democratic candidate—or respect the mainstream journalists who lionized this freak—for as long as they live.
In a desperate attempt to portray Kamala as a capable decision-maker, the media insisted "Coach Walz" was the perfect running mate. They assured us he would captivate Middle America with his camo hat and "dad in plaid" vibes. This turned out to be even less true than their sneering proclamations about Joe Biden's fitness to serve. The buffoon they exalted as "America's Dad" was actually our divorced uncle's creepy laser tag buddy who is technically not invited to family gatherings but keeps showing up and begging the kids to watch his magic show before bedtime.
Walz presented himself as a Yale theater student's deranged conception of a working-class man, decidedly more at ease among the likes of AOC (who runs "a mean pick 6") or the cackling harpies on The View than his fellow men. Watching this self-described "knucklehead" attempt to load a shotgun during his hunting cosplay outing was like watching Barack Obama try to throw a baseball. His jazz hand performances on stage, meanwhile, bore all the hallmarks of a seasoned pro.
We're not here to speculate on the source of Walz's glaring insecurities, which he repeatedly projected onto others. It makes sense that a bumbling goof—who was so obsessed with Red China that he got married on the anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre he falsely claimed to have witnessed—would attack his opponents for being "weird." His inflated résumé was a cry for help, like an angsty college senior trying to impress the freshman jocks who just want him to shut up and buy them some beer. In fact, Walz did Democrats and journalists (pardon the redundancy) an enormous favor by revealing just how grotesque they appear to the vast majority of normal Americans. We think he's earned himself a final curtain call before he prances off into oblivion. Bravo, Tampon Tim. You're a Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.
